Christmas with the Plumpkin

There is nothing cuter than a very focused baby opening Christmas gifts, then actually delighting in what he unwraps!
How cool!!!

Patrick had a wonderful Christmas!
He got to help us decorate on Christmas Eve. And he helped us open our gifts, as well as his own, on Christmas morning. Then, we went off to spend some time with Grandma & Grandpa D, his daddy, his Aunt Jenny & Uncle Tim, and the whole big family.
He had so much fun!
And today, he slept a whole lot =P

*Gush*

God, I just LOVE my baby boy!
I just want to squish him all the time!

Nightmares and Miracles

I love reading stories about miracle babies/children. Like the one about the little boy who received the special hearing aid and heard his mothers voice for the first time. Those things bring tears to my eyes and just warm my heart. I could watch videos and read stories like that all day long...

But there is a dark side to the miracle stories...and that is the accident stories. I try to avoid the ones with bad outcomes, but even the ones with good outcomes, like one with a little boy who survived an internal decapitation (I know, doesn't it just make you cringe inside?) Just terrify me. Because the thing about miracles is that...they are not common things. If they were, they would not be called miracles now would they?
And it makes me so afraid to get in a car with my son. And it definitely makes me terrified of driving...even more than I was before.

I used to have only one ultimate fear...dying. Now I have two. I bet you can guess what my second fear is.

SO people post these stories about babies in accidents...and my heart plummets and my skin goes cold. And I am afraid.

And I see these idiots out on the road, driving like morons just because they want to get some where 5 seconds faster, texting, and being otherwise distracted...and I am afraid. And it also makes me angry. "Accidents" almost are not even accidents anymore. They are "Avoidables" because, had everyone been doing what they should (i.e. paying attention to the road and being sober) most accidents wouldn't happen. Doesn't anyone care about their own safety and the safety of others? Or at the very least, the safety of children!? It really is terrifying. And the stories, even with good outcomes, don't make it better.

I posted a while ago about mothers being fearless. I never thought you could be both fearless and utterly afraid. But you can.

I do believe in miracles. And I love to read about them. But the accident ones just chill me to the core. They frighten me completely.
Because anything bad happening to my own little miracle...is my worst nightmare.

Missing my plumpkin.

My baby boy has been having a wonderful time with his daddy and GrandparentsD! And I have watched way too many movies in the theater. I had a whole lot of fun too.

But oh how I miss him. My heart aches. I need to squish him and see his little face.

I cannot wait to have him come home to me tomorrow!

I love that he can go off and play and be so happy without me. And it is so nice to get a little break from all the worry (ok, most of the worry) and diapers and baby chasing and such...

But I just miss him so very much.

Patrick's New Room

Patrick slept in his own room for the first time last night. He only woke up once around 3:30am and I think it was because his teeth started bothering him (or maybe he just missed me?). Still, once in the night is a huge improvement over 3 or 4 times in the night! I feel so very well rested!

I am very excited about finally having his room set up! There are still a few things to do in there, but it is already a lovely little room, and he loves being in there. We played in there for over 2 hours this morning.

I did miss him though. My room looks very large and empty right now. Time to rearrange and decorate!

Who takes care of mommy?

Well, I have done it again. I have neglected myself so thoroughly that the anemia has returned with a vengeance, on top of a never ending cold...cold number two in 2 months.

I have done a fantastic job of keeping Patrick happy and healthy. I fail at doing the same for myself. The awful thing is that in not taking proper care of myself, I have a difficult time taking awesome care of Patrick. Hard to chase a baby around and laugh and play all day long when you are on the verge of falling over.

I really need to get with the program because no one is going to take care of me, but me. I deserve it. And really, so does Patrick!

Hopefully, I have learned my lesson this time!

Have Baby, Will Travel

I think Patrick has handled all the traveling way better than I have! That baby is just amazing (yes, I am sure I've mentioned something like that before)

He just enjoys almost every experience. And he stays pretty chill, even when he's not exactly having the time of his life. This last road trip to Kentucky was no exception. He was wonderful, calm, and happy 90% of the time. He got a teeny bit cranky once we were there, and had one day where he refused to take a nap. Well, can't really blame the poor little guy - he is cutting 4 teeth at once.

We had a wonderful time visiting with family, and he of course enjoyed the new people to smile at. His GiGi taught him to high-five too.

I feel as if we have been traveling almost nonstop since Germany. I am exhausted! But at least I know that if I were to take another trip somewhere soon, Patrick would be ready and willing to tag along. And we would, of course, have a blast!
I just can't believe how easy and fun it is to travel with him!

Patrick's Party!

This past Sunday was Patrick's birthday party. It was so much fun! Just the right number of people came, and Patrick had a wonderful time! It almost seemed as if he new the party was just for him. He enjoyed his cupcake too!

It was so fun having Zaky P. and Aethan help us unwrap the gifts, and then help put some of the toys together.

The party went even better than I could have imagined. I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends and family - and really, such an amazing little boy.

I just still can't believe he's 1...

Patrick is 1 Year Old Today!!!

Today we went to the Build-A-Bear Workshop and Patrick chose an owl to stuff and take home. The owl's name is "Owl". He has a little blue scarf that is apparently also named "Owl". What are the odds?

I cannot believe how fast it all went by. One day I am in labor, walking around a lake with Drew helping me, feeling a bit afraid and telling him that if this gets any worse I just don't know if I can do it...and then I am holding this wiggly little thing in my arms, and I don't even care that he's kinda gross and slimy, I think he's amazing.
And then he's rolling, crawling, talking, almost walking...eating real food...
saying his first words...

So much has happened in a year. So much has changed. And now my teeny little baby is growing into a funny little toddler complete with a mind of his own...it is crazy!

I love this. I love all of it. While it does make me sad that as he grows, he leaves another little phase of babyhood behind, watching him grow and change is just incredible.

I love motherhood. The tears, the sweat, the messes, the long nights, the temper tantrums, the laughter, the cuteness, the sweet moments...all of it (ok, I could do without the poo)
It is just an amazing experience. And I can't believe it has been a year already...but there is no time to be sad about how fast it went, there are many years, milestones, and moments coming...how exciting!

Happy Birthday Patrick Josef Dambrell! You are my Sunshine!

Mommy is Sick

Uhg. I feel like I have been such an awful mother today. Usually I have no problem chasing the baby around until he is completely worn out. But today, I feel so sick and so very weak. Chasing him around has been next to impossible. I am sluggish and a bit on the unstable side. He's spent most of the day either in his walker (which doesn't really move much on the carpet) or in his activity bouncy thing. I even put him down for a nap about an hour earlier than I normally would have...twice...Both times he played and babbled for a bit, then took a good nap. He's only now getting a teeny bit frustrated with me. Sweet little guy, he's been easy going as usual, letting his mommy be a slug for the day.

I can't even imagine being sick like this when he's older and much more active, but still too young to understand that mommy doesn't feel good. I better start taking better care of myself so I don't get sick. Seriously!

Adventures in Michigan

Patrick and I just got home from a little trip to Michigan. We went there to surprise a good friend of mine and her hubby for their baby shower. It was a really fun time! Patrick loved meeting all the new people, the doggy Boomer (who really inspired Patrick to say "woof" every time he sees or hears a dog now) and of course he loved seeing Jenn & Chris!

It was cold! We both loved it! I bought Patrick two very adorable hat & mitten sets. So what if he'll only get the chance to wear them a couple of times...they are THAT adorable!

He was wonderful on both the flight there and the flight back, he was a trooper with the crazy non-sleep schedule we were on and all the nonstop parties and gatherings.

I love adventures with the plumpkin!
<3

Patrick's First Halloween

Mom, Patrick, and I had a whole theme going for Halloween this year. Mom was a bat cave, I was a vampire, and Patrick was the cutest little bat there ever was!
We went to a kid friendly Halloween party in Port Orange. Oh the adorable children and babies in costume! Crickette's little guy, Adrian, was dressed up like a sushi roll...and he was happily nibbling his own costume! So cute!

I was not sure if Patrick would make it to the Trick-or-Treating. He was on toy and baby overload at the party, and having a blast! But he caught his second wind and took to Trick-or-Treating with great excitement! He screeched and laughed happily much of the time. It was so much fun!



The only downside...I think the entire population of mosquitoes devoured me. Not Patrick though. Lucky little boy takes after his daddy, if the mosquitoes even touch him, the bite lasts no more than 24 hours.

Since Patrick is too young to eat candy, I took it upon myself to munch on some of his loot. I can't eat candy like I used to, that's for sure!
I am already plotting ways to keep him from getting sugar crazed on Halloween when he is older. I witnessed little children on a sugar high, and it was a bit scary! I have a feeling though, there is no way to stop it. Halloween = Sugar High, it is as inevitable as the rising of the sun.

Happy Halloween!

So, this isn't actually Patrick's Halloween costume, but it is super cute!

Mom's Don't Party!

As annoyed as I sometimes get with friends who invite me out to stuff at the very last minute, not leaving me time to find a sitter (i.e. make sure my mom is free and doesn't mind guarding the baby while he sleeps), I find I am thankful that at least they invite me!!!

It has happened. Someone who I have been trying to meet up with for a while now, and said they were trying to meet with me too, had a party...and did not invite me. I'm not shy, I asked why I wasn't invited...the answer?

"Well, I figured you had the baby"

Wow!
I don't know whether to be hurt that it is obvious this person really isn't trying all that hard to see me...or just shake my head because sometimes people are just really really silly. Because the truth is, I don't think she meant anything by it. But still...OUCH!

Believe it or not, I don't mind a break once in a while from unintelligible baby talk, poopy diapers, baby chasing, and being spit on, kicked, and having my face pulled off...

So, just so you know - Mom's DO like to party sometimes. And if you're having one, go ahead and invite the mom and let her decide whether she'll get a sitter and come celebrate with you, or just stay home and chill with the baby knowing that people out there somewhere really did want to hang with her...

Patrick's First Word

Patrick knows a few words now. He says "doogk" or "doht" when he wants to know what something is(not that these are really words, but they are consistent sounds). If you ask him where the "flower" "fish" "kitty" or "owl" is he will point to them, respectively (though he does sometimes get fish and flower confused). If you tell him puppies say "woof" he will sometimes say "voof" back. He says "Mama" a lot, sometimes to me.
He understands no very very well now too...

But just now, he pointed to the owl on my pajama pants and said "Owl!" He was very happy when I praised his obvious genius. Then he pointed to another owl on my pants and said "Owl!" And giggled when I told him he was the smartest boy in all the world. Then he crawled over to his bouncer, pointed to the blue owl and said "Owl!"

I think it is official! "Owl" is Patrick's first word!

Look Mom...No Hands!

Patrick just stood! He's been standing for a while now of course, holding onto things, and sometimes letting go and staying upright for a second, maybe two, before falling on his bottom. But this time, there was nothing to hold onto, and he just stood there for almost half a minute! TWICE!!!!

I can't believe it! I am so excited...
And a little bummed that there is no one to share it with...no one to delight and squeak with me and try to coax him into doing it again so I can get it on video.
So, I am sharing with the world!

Guess what world!!!!
PATRICK JUST STOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Squeak with me!!!

(And I do hope he'll do it again tomorrow so I can catch it on video)

Sea World and the 200th Post!

Yup, this is my 200th post! Wow...I sure do talk a lot. =P
But as was mentioned to me in the comments here, this blog will be one way to remember all those wonderful baby days I very much do not want to forget (Thanks MomD).

Patrick and I went to Sea World yesterday with a good friend and her two little ones. We had so much fun! I admit, quite a bit of my fun came from watching how much fun Patrick was having. =)He especially loved the Shamu show. We did the whole Halloween Spooktacular. The costumes were amazing, and I loved the pumpkin fish. Patrick got to meet The Count from Sesame Street (Ok, so I was a bit more excited about that than he was, but he like The Count too). He also discovered bubbles. At first he was very unsure, but once a few of them had popped on him, he was pretty excited about them.
He also looked adorable riding around in the giant double stroller we rented.

It was a really wonderful day! We will most definitely be going back!

Spitting

I read somewhere that you are not supposed to let your baby spit their food at you, and that you are not supposed to laugh at things they shouldn't do. I can see the wisdom in this, really I can...but I'm sorry...Patrick spitting his food out was too funny, and then him slobbering all over himself laughing because I was laughing, was even funnier.
Ok, so it is a bit messy, and yes, I suppose spitting food out can be considered gross, rude too...but come on, you're only a baby once! He'll learn soon enough that if he spits out all his food, there won't be much left to eat, not to mention his friends will probably make fun of him.
I much prefer laughing together and a few extra minutes of cleanup, to me trying to not laugh and tell him no and him crying because I said no...again...
I'd rather save no for important things, like hitting and outlet plugs...

Spitting food and laughing? Bring it on!

His Own Space

I'm trying to get Patrick to take a nap right now. Actually, I tried to take one too, but he absolutely will not nap with me in the room. So I am here at the computer, oh so sleepy, while he is finally settling down for a little nap.

It hurts my heart a little, but he really does need his own room. We will both sleep better. For naps, and through the night. I just feel like it is all going by too fast. I want to keep him with me. But it is probably time for him to have his own space...

I just wish I could keep every single memory with me, like a little photo album or a movie of the baby times...they go by so very fast...and what if this is the only chance I get to experience it all? I want to keep it with me...always...

How can it almost be a year already? How can he be almost walking? How can he go from never leaving my arms through the day and night, to being way past ready for his own room? And soon he won't be nursing anymore either.

...This is why being a mom is hard. Give me dirty diapers, temper tantrums, bumps and bruises, teething grumpies, all of it...
Watching him grow up is so beautiful, but him growing up...well...it makes me just a little sad.

Bad Mommy Confession

I remember a book I used to have read to me as a child "Sometimes Even Mom Makes Mistakes" Ain't that the truth!
I am forever thankful to my friends who have told me countless stories of their own little mistakes. Because of their honesty I am able to make my little mistakes and not feel like a completely terrible mother...at least, not for too long. So here is one of mine...

*****WARNING - If you have a weak stomach, you may not want to read this!!!****



Earlier today, Patrick was happily babbling in his car seat as my mom and I ran some errands. We were also listening to a book on tape. We stopped at Costco, but wanted to finish a particularly good chapter, and since the baby was content, we listened...
Within 2 minutes Patrick started crying, so I tossed some of his car toys to him. That kept him happy for all of 10 seconds. I couldn't reach any of the empty water bottles he had been playing with, so I grabbed the one that was up by me to hand to him. Now...as I am handing this bottle to my son I think "I should really take that label off, he'll eat it" I of course ignore this new mommy wisdom and hand him the bottle. He's happy as can be. We finish the chapter and I look back at him...munching on the label...uh oh!
I hop out of the car and try to get the piece of paper out of his mouth. He opens wide and I almost have it, then he claps his mouth shut and moves his head back and forth to escape me...suddenly he gets this odd look on his face...and then he vomits all over himself and the car seat. Oh. My. God!
My poor baby!
As I was cleaning him off and getting the goop out of the car seat (and boy was I lucky the bag was still packed for Germany - 3 burp rags AND a fresh outfit!)I thought 2 things. First, how odd that I was not at all grossed out, only feeling awful that he threw up. And second, "oh look! The label came out!"

11 Months!

How can it be!? Only 1 short little month until my teeny baby boy is 1 year old!? Ok, so he was never really actually "teeny" but he was a newborn, and soon, sooner than I ever thought possible, he will be a toddler...

He is getting about 4 teeth all at once right now. The top right is starting to show when he laughs. So cute!

He says "woof" now when we tell him that puppies say woof. It really seems like everyday brings something new. And everyday he is just so excited! He's just amazing. Have I mentioned that at all in this blog? LOL

I am starting to plan his birthday party and realizing that I just dont have a clue. I have never thrown a first birthday before...or really anything involving babies and children...yikes! I'm a bit nervous.

Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My!

Omi wasn't sure Patrick would really get anything out of going to the zoo, since he is so young. Boy, was she mistaken! (And so pleased to be wrong too!) Patrick LOVED the zoo! I mean just absolutely loved all of it! It was so much fun =)

He said hello to every animal we saw but was especially fond of all the dear-like animals, the chickens at the kid's zoo, the turtles, and the fish. He was a bit uncertain about the bats. I think they surprised him more than anything, because when you go into the bat cave the bats can fly around and even touch you. I had too bats land on me! I was so thrilled! I love the bats and the red pandas the best, and got to see both =D
Patrick's very favorite part of the zoo though was the aquarium. We think it was the cool lighting and bright colors of the fish, as well as all the movement.

It was just so cool to watch him point and babble and laugh at the animals.

Growing Fast!

Patrick knows the words "Kitty" and "Button" in both German and English, he also knows "Turtle" in English. He says "Ja!" (though I don't think he knows what it means yet) and he of course knows "No" and "Nein" and despises it in both languages. He mimics all the time and it is too funny.

He points to things and says "Da!" and wants to touch them and know what they are. He says "mama" a lot again, though he still does not associate it with just me. This morning he started new word sounds "Fffaa" and "Vwaaa"

And now, he's getting a tooth (or two) on top!

Every day has been something new, it is amazing! Soon he will be walking and really talking. We are making bets that he'll start doing both by his first birthday. I still wonder what his first real word will be...Looks like we will see soon enough.

My little boy is growing so fast!

Jet Lag

My poor baby has jet lag! I read somewhere that babies "might" get it, and if they do it is hardly an issue. LIES! Baby jet lag is the worst! His internal clock is completely at odds with the actual time, so he doesn't sleep well at all during the night. And neither do I.

But as with most things, it is starting to get better as the days go by. And who knows, we may even get a few nights of rest before we fly back home and do the jet lag thing all over again. Thankfully, it is never as bad on the return trip.

Baby on an Airplane

I have to say, Patrick did wonderfully on the airplane rides!
He did have a couple of fussy moments, and two nice and loud crying/screaming episodes. The fussy moments were easy enough to distract him from, the crying episodes were not. He tended to get very upset when he had to be strapped in and could not be bounced. He was also quite distraught when he woke up once. Poor guy just wanted to be snuggled and fed like he usually is in the middle of the night.

All in all though, he did very well and was quite happy. On the first flight there were three Brazilian women across the aisle from us. They were so in love with Patrick! They kept playing with him from across the aisle, blowing him kisses and making faces at him. This kept him distracted most of the flight. Awesome!
Towards the end they asked if they could hold him. Much to their delight, he gave all of them kisses! What a sweetie =)

On the long flight there was an Asian man in the seat behind me who Patrick just loved. Every time I looked back the man was just smiling, but I swear he was making faces at the baby, because Patrick kept laughing, sticking out his tongue, and making all kinds of funny faces. He was very entertained by this man most of the time he was awake.
The long flight was exhausting, not because the baby didn't sleep, he did (in a nice little baby bed the airline provided) No, the problem was that *I* could not sleep. I woke up every 5 minutes making sure Patrick was ok. Or, if I had to hold him while he slept, I couldn't sleep because I didn't want to drop him!
By the last little leg of the trip, Patrick was so very tired. He slept until the last 10 minutes of the flight.

Despite being so very sleepy myself, it really did go better than I expected.
Have baby, will travel!

Getting Ready for Travel

The household is all a-flurry as we get ready for the trip to Germany.
The baby has new clothes for the cooler weather (ok, and because I wanted to get him cute new clothes for the trip) He also has snacks, travel food, and immune booting and calm enhancing homeopathics. I am very much hoping they work well! He responds amazingly well to natural medicines (probably because he has never had any non-natural medications as of yet) so I have high hopes.

We will also be trying out the FlyeBaby (FINALLY!) He may be too big for it, I may actually be too big for it, but we will see. I'm excited that I finally have the chance to use it. Which reminds me, I better check out the installation videos...

I am so excited to be sharing Germany with the Plumpkin! I just know he will love it! And of course, all the family there is so very excited to be seeing him/meeting him.

Here's hoping the journey is enjoyable as well...
I admit, I am a bit nervous. But, it is what it is. However he is on the trip, I'll deal. And anyone who gives me dirty looks if my child is "too loud" or "too fussy" or just "too close" can kiss this mama's behind!

10 Months Old

I just can't believe that Patrick is 10 months old...only two months until his first birthday! It is incredible! The time has flown by so quickly. I already miss things from his itty bitty helpless newborn days.
And now he is very close to walking!!!
WALKING!!! It just blows my mind!

It is such an incredible thing to grow a person, then watch as he grows and changes all on his own. To know him from the very beginning, and see how his little personality develops, and watch (and help) him discover the world...just amazing.

I'm really excited about his birthday too! I'm having a party and inviting WAY too many people. Thankfully though, Patrick loves people. He loves getting a ton of attention and being passed around and cooed over. That's my little boy =D

Even after all this time I have moments when I am still quite shocked that I am a mother...That I have been for almost a year now...kinda crazy isn't it? =P I wonder how long that feeling lasts?

Just the Two of Us...

and 2 dogs...and 8 cats...for 4.5 days.

I did it! I took care of all of us, all by myself, and I didn't get the least bit overwhelmed!

Patrick and I had so much fun learning new games, singing new songs, watching fun movie marathons, and crawling around getting into trouble (i.e. trying to eat cat food)
Just to be clear...*I* did not try to eat the cat food...I grew out of that phase decades ago =P

I think he has a new tooth starting to push through because he has been a teeny bit grumpy today and drooling all over the place. Now it'll really hurt when he bites my toes!

It has been a wonderful few days...just the two of us...er...and the furries ;)

More Beach Fun

The second weekend at the beach was so much fun! Patrick enjoyed himself immensely!
It is just so amazing to see how much he loves the ocean. He even splashes the salty water in his eyes and it doesn't bother him a bit. Also, he thinks the ocean is delicious!

He was a bit less fond of the sand though. He wasn't quite sure what to make of it, and once he tasted some of he he quickly decided it was not for him and wanted off the sand and into the fun splashy yummy ocean.

He is just so much fun!

Beach Baby

Patrick adores the beach! He loves to talk to sand (and eat a little of it) he loves to kick and splash in the ocean, and he loves being adored by his family.

It is just so much fun to do anything new with him because he always enjoys himself. He's such a curious, adventurous, fearless little guy. I could certainly learn a thing or two from him =)

The coolest thing was this awesome floating contraption his GmaD got for him. It allows him to float safely in the water and kick and play to his heart's content. Just holding him gets tricky because he squirms so much, he wants to swim all my himself. So the floaty thing is perfect!

I can't wait to go back this upcoming weekend and see what fantastically adorable things he does!

Baby Babbles

I have realized that once babies can make noise, the only time they are quiet is when they are asleep.
Or is that just my little monster?

My day is filled with delightful little sounds and laughter...and the occasional sobs and screams...oh yeah...and the screeches. It usually takes me a moment to realize there is no baby sound when he has fallen asleep.

I never knew babies are so noisy =)

Moms are FEARLESS!

I was sharing some thoughts with a friend of mine today, who has some fears about making a big decision for her baby.

I remember having those same fears. It seems the fears keep on coming because I have all new ones now. I have a feeling all moms do. But while writing her I realized that once a decision was made, I never backed down - and that is pretty fearless!

I've had moments here and there in my life where I've been a bit fearless, but never so much as I have now that I am a mother. I often feel like a mother bear with her cub.
Unless there is an immediate threat, it takes me time to actually reach the point of being fearless...I will go back and forth on an issue, research until my eyes fall out (not really of course, I need those eyes to see what the baby is getting into!) I will ask the opinions and advice of others until I make them all crazy...but once I finally decide something...nothing will make me back down! And no one can intimidate me or make me feel bad about my choice.

I am not a traditional girl, and many of the choices I made (and will make) for Patrick are considered at least a bit weird by quite a few people...but I don't care! I know in my heart that I am making the right choices (since I researched them to death) and nothing will sway me!

Maybe that is the key to being a fearless mother - after all, knowledge is power!
My advice to moms would be to inform yourself so you make knowledgeable decisions, trust your instincts, and tell anyone who is rude to you about your choices to kiss your baby's poopy diaper!
As long as you are well informed and full of love for that little baby, you can trust that you are making the right choices for your child, and don't ever let anyone try and tell you otherwise!

That is not to say that there isn't always more to learn, and good advice to listen to...but we all know there is a big difference between kind words meant to help and guide, and rude people trying to force their often unknowledgeable opinions on you.

When the naysayers start their nay-saying...just remember...you are a mom...you are FEARLESS!

Ya know...now that I think about it...this seems to apply to women in general =)

Baby Update!

Patrick did wonderfully at his 9 month checkup today!

He is 23lbs and 30 inches long/tall!
He got one little shot today (God I hate those) but he didn't even cry!

And the doc said he's just perfect. Yup, truer words were never spoken!

9 Months of Plumpkin Fun!

Patrick is 9 months old today! I can hardly believe it. In just 3 months we will be celebrating his very first birthday! How time flies...

He keeps trying to stand all on his own, without anything to lean against. I think he will be walking soon. Walking!!! If I think he's a handful now...I can't even imagine how much I'll be chasing him around once he's walking!

And I wonder when he will start really talking? What will his first word be?

Right now he waves at cats, dogs, my mom, and stuffed animals and shouts "Buhuh!"
He crawls like a pro and loves to be chased.
He's eating finger foods, and loves food with texture. Ok, he just loves food period. =)

His little world is full of wonder and adventure and fun things to discover. I hope that never changes.

Omnomnom

Funny how little monster kisses can make everything better...and worthwhile.

Bad Mommy Moment

I am having a "horrible mother" moment. My sweet little guy woke up from his nap about 10 minutes ago. He's crying. I need to go get him. But I just don't have the strength. I feel drained, sad, broken...overwhelmed...so I am writing...sometimes this is just too hard. I have the most wonderful baby in the world, and sometimes I look at him and I just want to cry. Not because I am sad that I have him...but because I am sad that the things I wanted for him were not meant to be, really, the things I wanted for us. And not being able to share every experience with the person who helped me make the most amazing little creature to ever grace the earth, is heartbreaking.
And sometimes I have these little moments where I just do not want to be a grownup!

He's still crying...
I really should go to him and comfort him. But the little girl in me is screaming "What about ME!? Who's going to comfort me!?"
If being a mother is often a tough and thankless job...being a single mother is all that, and damned lonely to boot!

*sigh*

Ok. Mini mommy temper-tantrum is over...time to go squish a baby. Sometimes comfort is found in the comforting.

I Panic, therefore I am Mom

Last night I woke up at 2am in a panic. The baby was happily asleep. I had had a particularly upsetting, all too real feeling, dream. It took me hours to calm myself down.
But during that time I ran through the gamut of mommy fears. Is it strange how terrified I am of anything bad happening to Patrick? I mean really terrified. I imagine it is a normal thing. But it doesn't feel normal.
I am trying to not let my fears affect the baby. Like my insane fear of him choking on finger foods and chunkier purees. He needs these things...but they scare me so much!

Am I going to spend my life with this awful fear? I am sure it'll be in the background most of the time, but always there...

I just want so much for him to have a long, wonderful, happy life. I want him to be healthy, and strong, and grow up to be a wonderful man. I want him to enjoy as much of his life as possible. I guess all I can really do is do my very best to make that happen, and then have some faith. Thank goodness I have some help in this too!

This might just be the hardest part of being a mom...even harder than poopy diapers and temper tantrums!
Though, admittedly, the temper tantrums are pretty cute.

Laughing Baby

That little boy of mine is so amazing! He makes me want to have dozens of children. Seriously! But, at the very least, I have him =)

He has two fun new games. Both involve much laughing. He loves to crawl away from me giggling like crazy when I catch him, and he loves to talk and laugh and play peek-a-boo with me when I put him down for a nap and try to take a little nap myself. That does of course mean I don't end up getting a nap, but that's alright, he's worth it.

Everyday with him is such a joy!
He just loves to laugh and it's wonderful!

8 Months and On the Move!

Patrick is now 8 months old. There have been so many new things lately. It is all going by so fast! I can't believe how he is growing.
In just a few short weeks he is crawling better, has another tooth starting to come in, and is sitting up all on his own. He is also now starting to pull himself up on stuff.

He also had his first experience with bodies of water - first a pool, then the ocean. He LOVED both! He kicks and laughs and tries to 'catch' the water with his hands and feet. It is just the coolest thing to watch!
I can't wait to go to the beach house with him in August! It will be so much fun!

The only down side to all this activity is - he is totally wearing me out! I really need to up my energy level before he starts walking!

Road trip, crawling, and teeth!

The baby is awesome on road trips! I mean really fantastic! I love going on drives with him. Even when he's not asleep, he just plays in the back, talking, laughing, singing. He rarely cries and then it is for a reason, even if that reason is "Hey mom, take a few minutes and squish me"

We went to Kentucky to see the Brogans, and see EJ while he was on leave for the 4th of July weekend. It was a great visit. The baby was played with so much! He was totally worn out, which made him especially easy on the trip back. He also got some junk food from his GiGi. He loved that! I have to admit, it was very cute =)

But the coolest most awesome thing is - the baby is officially on the move! He is still a bit wiggly, but he is definitely crawling! And he's getting FAST! He especially loves crawling to things he shouldn't get his determined little hands on. So very much need to baby proof!

And, this morning I discovered....a TOOTH! The front, bottom, left tooth is breaking out! Oh My Gooodness! My baby almost has a tooth!
I think the Chinese medicine he's been getting for teething has really been helping, because he's hardly fussy at all.

I just can't believe how fast he is growing!

Swing!

Patrick went on his very first real swing today at a playground. I think I was more nervous than he was! He had a fabulous time, and I have it on video =) It is funny though, he was more interested in the other baby on the swings than he was in the actual swinging.

Silly baby!

We also went to the library where he flirted quite happily with every female employee who saw him =P

It was a fun day for the plumpkin.

Webpage

This is just a very basic free page I've set up for Omi for her Birthday. I decided it would be great for others too. I've actually gotten some videos set up there, along with new photos of course.

In time, I think I'll do a really awesome site and be able to have this blog on it. For now though, enjoy =)

Everything Patrick

Sleep?

It isn't that he doesn't sleep. He does. He will sometimes take a nice long nap during the day, and he does sleep at night...but he's been waking up...a lot. It also takes a long time to get him to actually go to sleep. Sometimes about an hour, last night it took 2 hours. Even for his naps. Even when he is so tired he is about to fall over.
It is so weird.

I have no idea why this is happening. A phase maybe?

It is a little frustrating. I feel like nothing I do can make him calm and happy and go to sleep. It makes my heart a little sad.
Poor little guy. I just don't know what's going on. I wish he could tell me.

It took me almost 2 hours but I finally got him down for his nap. If he sleeps for at least 45 minutes without waking up, I'll be happy.

I just really need to figure this sleep thing out. It is not easy.

A Day Without the Plumpkin

Yesterday, Patrick's Daddy took him for the day, and I had a whole day baby-free. I decided to do the one thing I really can't do with the baby - go to the movies!
My mom took me to Downtown Disney and we watched The A-Team AND Sex and the City 2! Both very fun movies. But I totally missed the baby!

I think it is so important that Drew gets some good quality time with his son, and at the same time, I get a much needed break. Plus, Patrick is always so excited to see his daddy. Happiness for everyone!

It is so very nice to get a little break from 24/7 mom duty. It helps me rejuvenate and remember how awesome it is to be a mommy. It has not been easy being pretty much the only one taking care of the baby this last month. My mom has helped out quite a bit, but she has been so busy working that there were plenty of days I had no help at all. Drew actually watched the baby for me a few days ago too, and I got to see Prince of Persia with my mom and James & Scott(I like movies, can you tell?)

This being a single mom thing is not easy, and definitely not what I had planned. But I am so lucky to have so much support. It still gets overwhelming sometimes, but I think motherhood does anyway - single or not.

So, I may miss my little guy when he's off playing with one of the many other people who adore him...but I really do appreciate the time to myself.
I think the next baby free day I'll get dressed up and go somewhere fancy. And probably see another movie ;)

Baby Kisses

Patrick now gives big smooshy snuggly kisses back when he gets kissed on his cheek!

My heart is in a gooey little puddle <3

7 Months and a New Ride!

My fabulous baby boy is 7months old! I can hardly believe it!

He is so very close to crawling, but honestly I think he really enjoys rolling around. He is quite the rolling little monster!
He is now eating rice cereal, sweet potatoes, avocado, and pears - he loves all of it! He even makes yummy noises!<3. Next food up is peas. Mmmm peas!
He is also teething! This makes for some long nights, but it's alright, mommies don't need sleep...right?

This weekend we are getting him a new toy. He's outgrown his kickin coaster and his bouncer. I can tell you one thing I have learned- a 5 point harness is much much better than a 3 point! I say this because the two toys I mentioned have not been outgrown due to size (surprisingly), but rather due to the fact that he has learned how to topple them over during his escape attempts. Thank goodness his swing is still use able for a little while longer.
We will also be getting him a new car seat. After, much research I decided on this one
Graco is one of the only companies I have found that makes car seats that are rear facing up to 40lbs. This is very important to me! I very much believe that rear facing is the safest thing to do for as long as you possibly can!
Not sure you agree? Watch this video...just have the tissues ready! And believe me, it is not the worst one out there either!
I honestly don't know why they don't just make it a law that children need to be rear facing until 40lbs, at least!

Mommy Doubts

I feel like I'm not being a very good mommy.
The pumpkin has been a little fussy. I wish he would take a nice long nap so that I could read, or check my email, or just stare off into space for a while. I need a break!

Maybe I'm not playing with him enough? Or snuggling him enough? Maybe I'm not smiling as much as I used to? Maybe he can tell I am sad inside. I am trying so hard to laugh with him and sing with him. But I feel like I am falling short somehow. I get so worn out sometimes when I bounce him around or hold the squirmy little guy.

I love him so much.
I just feel so overwhelmed.
I need time to myself.

I am so worried about screwing him up somehow. I'm so scared that I can't do this.
And I am so afraid that I'm not a good mommy at all.

Almost Crawling

Today, Patrick got upon his hands and knees and rocked forward and backward. It is only a matter of time before he starts crawling!

Tasks this weekend will include:
Baby proofing at least one room
Buying a baby gate
Dropping the crib down to the lowest level
Having video camera handy at all times!

I can't believe he is almost crawling! My days of rest are quickly coming to an end!

Music

The plumpkin just pushed the seahorse's belly to make it play music!

Eating Avocado Backwards

Ok, so he didn't actually eat avocado backwards, I mean how can you really do that anyway?
But he did eat avocado, and he did crawl backwards!
Both very very cute things. Got the avocado on video, but I didn't catch the crawling. I really wish I had too - he got so mad when he couldn't crawl forward. It was unbelievably adorable. I am going to try very hard to catch it next time he does it!

I tell you what, that baby of mine is just the cutest, most wonderful little guy ever.
Going through some tough times right now, but he really puts the sparkle in my world.
<3

Starting Solids

Last weekend Patrick got his first taste of solids - organic whole grain rice cereal. He LOVES it so much! His Grandma D got to be the one to give him his first "bite".

When I feed him he says "mmm mmm mmm" it is the cutest thing ever! EVER! I can't wait to introduce a new food this weekend. Avocado maybe? It'll be messy green fun!

It is just so exciting to be able to introduce him to all the yummy things the world has to offer. As with everything so far, he jumps right into new experiences with enthusiasm!

Weekend with GrandparentsD

Patrick got to spend the weekend with his Grandma & Grandpa D while Drew and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary.

I hear he had a ton of fun. In fact, if it is possible, he came back an even happier baby than when we dropped him off.

I'm so very glad he has such a wonderful and loving family surrounding him.

The 6month old 9month old

Today was Patrick's 6month check-up.

He's doing great! Thriving really- he is the size of a 9 month old!

28 inches and 20lbs 10 ounces!

What a big boy! Time for a new car seat.=)

Patrick's Half-Birthday

My little baby boy is 6 months old today!

I just can't believe it...

This Wednesday is his 6 month check up. Then we will be able to find out the official length and weight. I'm putting my guess in now that he is at least 27.5 inches and has hit 20lbs.

He is rolling around like crazy now. He loves it! He can also hold himself upright, though can't get himself into a sitting position on his own yet. And he very much wants to crawl - he'll be doing it really soon. I just can't believe how fast this is going!

How can it have been 6 months since he was born? How can he be so close to crawling!? It is amazing to me. People alway say "They grow so fast" and I always thought, well yes, I know they do...But I didn't know, not really. They grow REALLY fast! Pretty soon he will be walking, and forming sentences, and dating, and going off to college!

I'm getting ahead of myself though - right now he still slobbers happily, giggles when I kiss him, and rolls around delightedly. I love right now.

My First Mother's Day

Today was my very first official Mother's Day. It was wonderful! The weather was beautiful, and we spent the entire day at Drew's parents'. His sister, Jen, was there as well. We had delicious food and a whole lot of laughs. Patrick was in a fantastic mood and was completely worn out from all the fun.

Both my mom and mom D enjoyed their gifts. Drew and I made a yummy jam and put the baby's foot print on the tag - toe jam - get it? We also put his hand print on their Mother's Day cards. Drew snuck one by me and got a hand print on his card to me as well =)

It was just a very beautiful and happy day all around.

I loved it!

New Hair for Mommy

With the super hot and humid weather, and a baby pulling out my hair just a few painful strands at a time, I finally decided to just chop it all off. Yesterday the deed was done! My head feels so much lighter! And of course he can still grab at my hair, but it is so much easier to get him to let go when it isn't all tangled in his little fists!

He had a blast at the salon! He spent the entire hour we were there laughing and flirting and being so insanely cute that all the women were cooing and trying to steal him away! One lady was warned that he grabs hair and she replied "He can have whatever he wants!" Too funny!

When we got home my poor worn out plumpkin went right to sleep and actually slept for a good 3 hours!

A spunky new hair cut and some quiet time - not a bad afternoon at all. =)

That asian woman is stealing our child!

So Sandi, Patrick and I are out shopping (on the way to Whole Foods, actually) and we are all struck with an undying hunger. We were next to an Indian buffet that we'd been to before that was awesome so we thought, "Let's go there!" Well it was 11am on a Sunday so the Indian restaurant wasn't open for another hour! Well we were right next to Bill Wong's world famous buffet with "Grand Opening" in the window. Mind you, Bill Wong's has been in existence since I was in college (2001-2005). I had been before and it was good and whatnot but there was a reason I hadn't been there in 6 or so years. So, with slight apprehension in my heart and grumbling in my tummy, we entered.

They had just opened so all the food was fresh. Everything was amazing! We were munching happily and I had just returned with my second plate when the waitress, a mid-40's asian woman, had picked up our baby. Now normally everywhere we go, people think (rightly so) that our baby is adoreable. Rarely, however, do we let him be carted around by strangers. So very shortly thereafter, another waitress, slightly shorter than the first, came over and Patrick reached out to her. She took him happily and poked fun at the first waitress along the lines of, "He likes me better than you! :P" To which the first waitress moved a little bit and put her arms out to Patrick. This caused him to reach back out to the first lady and caused giggles all around. Even got Patrick swatted on the bottom! So I'm beginning to pay attention to my food again and I get about 2/3 of the way through my 2nd plate when I look up and these woman have Patrick on the OTHER side of the restaurant and are showing him off to random patrons and other staff at the buffet. I was wary but also thought it was pretty funny that they were totally babysitting for free while we had lunch. I made sure to leave a decent tip for the waitress for services rendered.


As we were walking out this random couple stated that "the girls were going to steal (our) baby!"

Good times on I-Drive

Weight Woes

I found something that might actually work to help me lose weight! It is very similar to the Herbalife program I did with phenomenal success many years ago. (if only I hadn't messed that up...but thats another issue all together...) So, I have found this awesomeness that very likely will help me jumpstart my weight loss! Help me finally get a handle on this awful fat and non energy. And it's very natural and healthy and all that - full of herbal goodness. The problem is, I really should not do it while breastfeeding.

*sigh*

My mom started to ween me when I was 6 months old because I got teeth (Sorry mom!) but I really wanted to breastfeed as long as possible, maybe even for a year...I actually really enjoy it.

Imagine my horror when this awful and utterly selfish thought crept in my head "Well, you could start weening him and do the weight loss"

Gasp!

Am I a terrible mother to even have momentarily considered the idea as a viable option!?

I want to continue breastfeeding.

I want to ween when we are both ready (Though, considering his fascination with food, I think he will be ready before I am) not because of my silly need to not be fat anymore.

But God, I really don't want to be fat anymore.

I could cry.

Roly-Poly Pumpkin

Patrick can now officially roll from belly to back (which he did for the first time in NC and has greatly enjoyed since) and back to belly!

He rolled back to belly for the first time yesterday! AND I have it on video! Ok, I have his 3rd time on video because I actually completely missed the first one, he just suddenly appeared on his belly, and I didn't have the camera out for the second one. But, no matter - I have roly-poly pumpkin video footage to share SOON!

Let me also say, that little boy is thrilled about rolling all over the place! He laughs every time he does it.

Another adorable thing - as I have mentioned in previous posts, he's been smiling at the cats and it is so sweet, but yesterday he actually laughed at Sparky! It was the cutest thing EVER! Apparently kitties are just really funny.

My Outing

I left the baby with someone other than Drew or my mom. I'm super proud of myself, and it was really nice to be out doing something girly.

My friend Joy, who just had a baby of her own, offered to watch the pumpkin for me while I went out to lunch with another friend of mine for our "once every 4 months or so" lunch date.

He apparently had quite a wonderful time with Joy, Jose, and little Brielli; because after about 30 minutes of nonstop babbles, telling me all about his visit, he passed out mid "sentence".

He is fast asleep right now too. He must have had a very exciting day!

It was strange not having him or the diaper bag on me. Strange, but light. Carrie and I had a great time chatting and laughing. I felt very free. But I missed him on the car ride back to Joy's, and I was so very happy to see him once we got there.

I really do like being just me sometimes, but there is nothing like being a mommy.

It is so nice that I get to do both.

Momsomnia

It is 2:25am. I am awake. Every single creature in my house is asleep, more than one is snoring...I am awake.

What made me actually drag myself out of bed you ask? A crying baby woke me to be fed. Not unusual. But, after feeding him, instead of dropping right back into my cozy bed, I found myself pondering cloth diaper things. For example, how does one remove the fuzzies from velcro? Or stains? Or any lingering odor? And can something be done about the occasional wicking (mild leaking) from the side tab?

Apparently, these were such burning questions that I decided to go out into the living room to google them. Sadly, I am not kidding.

I am happy to report I have found my answers and will be applying them in the very near future. The bad news is simply, if it was not already obvious, I am still awake.

I am awake while my husband snores and my baby sleeps (how can he sleep through that?)

I am awake and have no more burning questions.

I am awake and I am quite bored.

I have "momsomnia"

Uhg.

5 Months ( and 3 days)

Into month 5 of mommy bliss. That baby of mine is such a joy! Lately he's had a few fussy days, but even then all he needs is a good snuggle and he's happy again.

And there have been so many new things happening!

Patrick very much enjoys eating his toes, especially when we are trying to change him. He has discovered a great love for his caterpillar and elephant dangle toys (thanks Angela!) especially now that he can pull them down himself. He is very interested in the animals now, he smiles at them and wants to grab them. Really, he wants to grab anything and everything and put it in his mouth - this includes the dog's leash (while it is attached to the dog) and the sun cover to his car seat. =)

He loves kisses and even gave me one the other day!

He also smiles when I sing. I cannot even begin to describe the things it does to my heart to have him show that something I love to do makes his little heart so happy.

Patrick is just such a wonderful baby!

I can't wait to see what he does next!

Pickles!

Patrick loves pickles! Seriously!

While we are not starting solid food just yet, he did get a little taste of a pickle today. He was grabbing at it as I was eating it so I let him have a lick. The face he made was hysterical, and I was pretty certain he didn't like it one bit. But he wanted more! He sucked on it and loved it! I was quite amazed, but it turns out pickles were one of my favorite foods when I was little, so maybe it shouldn't be that much of a surprise.

Adventure

After reading this little story http://mothering.com/parenting/reluctant-adventurer I realized that while some moms have "given up" on an adventurous life and are trying to find new meaning, I am trying to discover an adventurous life so I can show my little boy the wonders of the world.

I just thought that was kinda neat. No matter who you are before you have a baby, everything really does change...

I worry sometimes that I will not be able to rediscover my adventurous side, that I'll end up being such a boring mom and Patrick won't have nearly as much fun as he could if I wasn't so afraid of stuff. But then I remind myself that I was the one who pushed us to take out impromptu vacation to the mountains, and that I climbed down the mountain side with Drew so he could show me salamanders (even though I was quite nervous and not wearing the right shoes). I remind myself that I went sailing on a little pontoon boat in Jamaica and I went to NY for a wedding to finally meet people I had never met before - all by myself...I sang on stage multiple times in front of hundreds of people, once without music. I wasn't very good that time, but I still did it. I remind myself that I have had some adventures here and there...

Maybe Patrick's mommy is not so fearful...maybe I have an adventurous side after all.

Mountains and Milestones

We went to the North Carolina Mountain house this past weekend. It was my first time going, and Drew had not been there in years.

I was a bit terrified the first couple of times going up/down the mountain roads, but gradually my fears lessened. Patrick had a wonderful time with all the new sights and smells. He also enjoyed being able to play with his Grandma & Grandpa D for more than just a few hours.

I'm so glad we decided to go. I want to have many more adventures like that. I sometimes enjoy just hiding away from the world, but I want to show Patrick everything, so hiding away is just not an option!

It was a short trip, rather impromptu, and a whole lot of fun! I cannot wait to go again! Maybe next time I'll even have time to visit two of my close friends who live a few hours away from where we were. That would be wonderful.

Another very cool thing about the trip to the mountain house is that Patrick had 2 milestone firsts while we were there! Friday, late afternoon, he grabbed his foot all by himself and nibbled on his toes. Now he just can't get enough of them! And then, Saturday afternoon, he rolled over from his belly to his back! Poor Drew was napping and missed it, but mom and I were so excited and Patrick thoroughly enjoyed our squeals of happiness and squealed right along with us.

Now, I just need to get these wonderful things on video!

Growing

Last night we went to visit Joy. She just had her adorable baby girl, Brielli. She was born 2 weeks early and weighs almost as much as Patrick did when he was born, but oh my God she is so tiny! I swear Patrick was never that tiny!

I can't believe how much he has grown already! And now he is so very close to rolling over. He babbles, he grabs at everything (on purpose) and puts it right in his mouth. He is just amazing and I feel so blessed to have him. He's this perfect little creature and I can't believe he's mine. Ok, yes I do share him with Drew, I promise! So - I can't believe he's ours =)

People always say children grow up so fast. It is so true. I swear it was just yesterday that I was holding him for the first time, feeling so uncertain, so overwhelmed with this tiny thing I was now responsible for...and soon he'll be sitting up all on his own and eating solid food, and really talking...then walking...then going off to school...

But, today, right now, he needs to be snuggled. So I'm off to go do that =)

My first time alone with Patrick!

Yesterday, I spent my first afternoon/evening with Patrick all by myself. It was so much fun! I was a little nervous about running out of milk (which I did, right at the end), and whether or not he would be crying all the time. That last one I knew wouldn't happen, but that doesn't mean I wasn't worried about it. True to form, we had a great time together. He watched me play video games, and even helped a few times (grabby little hands)!!! He even slept a nice 2/3 hour stretch which let me just kind of relax by myself, which was nice. All in all, I'd say that I passed my first real test of handling a baby all alone. I can't wait for round 2!

Alone with Daddy

So Drew got to watch the baby for 5 hours yesterday. It was actually only supposed to be 3, but you know how life works. Thank goodness there was enough milk!

I came home and the baby was happy, dry, fed, and smiling. And Drew says they had a blast together.

Wonderful =)

Ma...Ma...Ma

Ok, they are just sounds. He's not actually saying "Mama" and it certainly isn't something he's associating with me...

But tell that to my little heart. Whenever I hear him say "ma...ma...ma" my heart just pitter-patters.

Dr. Franz

We had Patrick's 4 month check up today. By some fluke we ended up having the appointment with the very sought-after, difficult to schedule, Dr.Franz. What a fantastically awesome lady!!!

It was such a great appointment, we got so much awesome information, and mom and I will be going to a Chinese medicine seminar there this Sunday (Drew gets to babysit for the first time! Which I am sure will make for a great blog post this weekend - from both of us.)

I know we won't always be able to get an appointment with her, but I do hope we will get another one soon. She also has done more research and has new views on vaccinations so I get to do more research on that subject, but we all know how I love to go research crazy, so it'll be fun =D

Alright, and now the moment you've all been waiting for...the data...

Patrick is once again off the charts - 17.5lbs and 26.5inches. That is quite the gain and growth since his 2 month check-up. Dr. Franz said he's just perfect!

I love it when people say that =P

A Date

Drew and I went out on a little date today. We had a little breakfast together, watched Alice in Wonderland Imax3D (Awesome!!!) and drove around a bit with the windows down and chatted. My mom babysat for us. We had a really great time together, but we both found it funny that we really could have had the baby tag along and it probably would not have been much different. I mean, there was not this huge sense of relief with having a break from the baby. Regardless, we had a very nice time and I know my mom was excited to get to babysit.

I know it is important for us to be able to spend time together, just us. I feel very lucky to know that we will be able to do that on occasion, no problem. But it is also nice to realize that we really do get a good amount of "us" time even with the baby.

And yes, we did miss him while we were out =P

It was a really nice day with Drew. And when I got home I had a baby fall asleep in my arms -that was really nice too.

4 Months a Mommy

Patrick is 4 months old. Obviously this means that I have been a mommy for 4 months. I enjoy being a mommy. I actually really do. But, I feel very unmotivated, unfocused and a bit lost. Sometimes I find myself wondering "Now what?"

I spent 9 (10) months being pregnant and preparing for the baby, 14 hours bringing the baby into the world, and now, 4 months later...now what?

Of course there is a huge focus on Patrick, taking care of him and snuggling him like crazy. But what about me? The thing is, I have no idea! My wonderful acupuncturist has said that I need to find things to do just for myself, and I need to give the baby to other people to take care of. I thought those would be easy tasks, but they are not.

So now I need to figure out what I want to do. That has never been easy for me, and nearing 30, I really should have an idea shouldn't I?

It's funny to think I have been me for almost 30 years and have no idea what to do with myself, but I have been a mommy for only 4 months and seem to be doing that really well.

Mommy, don't leave me!

For the last couple of days Patrick has decided that if I am not snuggling him every moment that he is awake, there is something very wrong in his world, and he cries...screams really. He'll play in his bouncer, or kickin coaster for a few minutes, and then he'll realize I am not holding him and he starts fussing. God forbid I am not in the room when he wakes up from naps, that's when the screaming happens...

And then he sees me and it's like the sun is shining again. He smiles so big and happy and wiggles around hoping I'll pick him up (and I better too, or that smile quickly turns into the cutest little pout, and then the crying starts)

It is actually pretty cute, and makes me feel way loved...but I wonder where it came from!? It just suddenly started, and will probably go away just as suddenly...until then, forget about getting anything done! The only reason I am able to post this is because the cutie is passed out next to me.

I guess he's juts feeling a bit unsure and lonely. How lovely to think that while he's so young, I can fix that! How I fear the teenage years...

I will gladly get all my snuggles in now until then, when even if it would make it all better, he'd never admit it. LOL*

Life...

I'm a terrible poster. I feel like sometimes I never have enough hours in the day to get everything done. I always want to make Sandi happy, but I don't want to do diapers! *laughs* I do do them, but I know I'm getting off easier than most guys. So I'm definitely trying to get better about being proactive with Patrick.

Patrick is the most wonderful baby I've ever known (bias notwithstanding). Just an unbelievably happy baby, and it makes me feel like such an amazing guy to have even had a say in this baby's development and life. I really am so proud of him already.

School is going well, and I'm ready to take a break, which is good because spring break is up in 8 weeks! Woooo! *laughs again* I'm shooting for another A, and I have no idea how I got a nice solid B in stats. :\

Regardless, I love my family and I love my life and even with aches and pains and everything else, I am so extremely happy at this point in my time here on Earth.


Love to everyone.

Love to Sandi and Patrick,

Daddy D.

Happy Birthday Blog!

The blog is officially 1 year old!

One year ago yesterday I made my very first post here. It is amazing to me how much my life has changed since then, how much I have changed.

In honor of this blog's birthday and all those life changes, I have made a few changes to the blog. =)

I hope you all like the new look!

And then...

HaHa! Today he was so fussy! Poor little guy...I think it is from the crazy, busy weekend we had and teething. It just struck me as funny considering my previous post.

Angel Baby

Patrick had a very busy weekend! First, we went to visit Crys and Rog in Ocala (ok, not technically Ocala, but it is the closest "large" town to where they are) and then on Sunday we went to Joy's baby shower.

On Saturday Patrick slept almost the entire day! We had been running around all day Friday, so I think he was pretty worn out still. When he was awake, he was his usual alert and happy self, for the most part. Then, at Joy's shower, he was awake 90 percent of the time and was just an angel! Joy stole him right away and she and Jose had him for a good 45 minutes before he was returned to me (still not fussing). He actually didn't start fussing until the very end and we had been there for a little over 3 hours! He had finally had enough of all the noise and people. But we really got to enjoy the shower, almost up to the end, and focus on Joy and her special moment, because Patrick was totally chill and was happy to be bounced or just hang out on the table.

I just can't get over how lucky we are! He is SUCH a good baby. And people keep telling me he is so well behaved and they are usually quite awed by it. And I wonder why this is. Is it just his personality? Is it us being so relaxed? A little of both? Is it because of how happy I was during the pregnancy?

I wish I could know.

There are people who tell me that "the next one will probably be a devil child, because you only get one good one"

Is this true? or a load of hooey? Is it meant to freak me out? It does a little...

What what does it really mean to have an "easy" baby vs. a "difficult" one? Are they difficult just because they cry? Aren't babies supposed to cry? And sure, some babies cry more than others...but why? Certainly, not because they are "bad" babies...

I dunno, this concept of bad and good babies is so odd to me. I know this is my first one, and I know that he is "really easy" but is it because he's just a "really good baby" or because I don't let things phase me and so as a result he is more relaxed too?

I guess we could keep going in circles with this forever, and there will really be no peek into the answer to this question until I have a couple more of them...(babies, not questions)

And for the record...Patrick does cry. And sometimes I have no clue what to do about it. I just remind myself that he only has a couple ways now of expressing himself to us, and crying is the main one when he's got something important to say. Then I give him a squish and a kiss, and just let him cry it out.

Anemia

So what happens when you focus solely on taking care of your baby and forget to take care of yourself? Well, you could get sick, drained, overwhelmed, or...you could take a problem that was mild and make it REALLY bad.

Hello Anemia.

I am giving it a week with diet, herbal iron liquidy goodness and Chinese medicine & acupuncture. If it isn't better...I am off to the Dr. Yes, it is THAT bad! Tight chest, extreme fatigue, feeling like I can't catch my breath (I can), weakness, hair falling out (I think there may be a breastfeeding-hair falling out-anemia/vitamin deficiency connection here), funny finger nails....

I felt this way right after I had the baby...then I was better...but after a few months of slacking on my vitamins and such I am in even worse shape.

The frustrating thing is, I KNOW THIS!

I KNOW a new mother has to take time to take care of herself! I know I need to take my vitamins,drink water, etc. I know I need to be healthy and take care of myself...

So how did I let this happen!?

I've never been good with splitting my focus...and it has ALL been on the baby.

Lesson learned? Man, I hope so...

A happy mommy means a happy baby too! And it only take a few seconds here and there to do important mommy care things like drink water and take vitamins. Duh!

Happy 3 Months!

My little Patrick is now 3 months old! I really can't believe it!

I'm not sure how long he is, but it looks like he's hit atleast 26 inches. And weight...are you sitting down!? He weighs in at a little more than 15 lbs! He's growing so fast! Teething, laughing almost all the time, babbling constantly when he's awake...grabbing at things and of course putting them right in his mouth...he's almost sleeping through the night. And that little personality is showing more and more every day.

He really is just an absolute joy! Whoever thought I'd actually enjoy being a mommy? Of course it helps to have such a happy, healthy baby =)

So how am I 3 months postpartum? Pretty good really. My moods have been mellowing out, and I am definitely feeling more upbeat, if not a teeny bit on the sleepy side. I have discovered that I am anemic. Yuck. At least now I know why I am so tired. Also, I have hit this huge brick wall of "I just don't wanna" when it comes to anything not directly involved with baby care and play. Clean? Don't wanna. Work out? Don't wanna. It's quite silly really. But I have been told that it is very normal for that first year with a new baby.

Regardless, I need to push past it at least a little bit and start getting some stuff done. I am turning 30 in July and I want to feel nice, look nice, and live in a nice clean home. Not to mention...my little bundle of joy will want to play more and more, and I need the energy to do it!

Happy 3 months Patrick! Let's go take a nap =P

Teething!?

Patrick has been sucking on his hands alot lately. He also makes a slobbery drooly mess almost constantly. Not to mention occasionally crying for no reason we can figure out. My mom mentioned he might be teething.

"No way!" I said. "It is way too early for that...isn't it?"

I looked it up. It is a little early, but not uncommon. Wow! I didn't expect teething to start until around 6 months. I was obviously quite mistaken!

I have read that it can still take a few months for the tooth/teeth to surface once teething begins. It really all depends on the baby. I am just really surprised by this, it is happening so much sooner than I thought it would...

My little plumpkin is growing so fast! =\

The Milk Monsters

So, I think Starbucks got a very important part of my coffee wrong today...the soy. *sigh* My poor little Patrick is screaming his head off and burping and spitting up like crazy. I feel so bad.

I will have to watch them very closely next time I go there...

I can't wait until I am able to have dairy again. Then I don't have to feel bad if I have a little dairy slip, or if Starbucks has a moment of evilness.

*********

Later:

Plumpkin is finally settled down and fast asleep. Poor little guy wore himself out. =( Stupid Milk Monsters!

Papa & GiGi

So we have Grandma and Grandpa D, Omi, my mom who still is nameless (though she said she likes "Grams") and my dad and TerriAnn who have been transformed into "Papa & GiGi". I think it's kinda cute.

The trip to Kentucky was really great. Mom and I enjoyed the drive. Patrick was so wonderful on the trip, even when he was really over it all, he was just so happy to be snuggled and slept most of the way. He got a little fussy towards the end, but that's all. My dad is totally smitten with the baby. It was the greatest thing to see! EJ also really loved the baby, as did TerriAnn of course. Josh was ambivalent, but he's nearing 15, he doesn't need to like babies right now.

Patrick's Papa and GiGi spoiled him like crazy! He got a couple of books, cute socks, two new small toys, and an activity gym and swing. Goodness! But they didn't leave me out at all. I got an awesome hat! I'm totally geeked out about this hat. =P

It makes me so happy in my heart that Patrick has this big huge family full of love for him! We always want our children to have things better than we did, and while I truly enjoyed my childhood oh so very much, I always wondered what it would be like to grow up surrounded by a big, loving family. Family that wants to know me and be in my life. Patrick gets to have that. It is wonderful! And what's really weird...I'm not the least bit jealous.

I am, however, a teeny bit jealous that Dad bought both Josh and EJ an Xbox360, but not me...but that's a different thing entirely. =P

Sweet Dreams and Bubble Baths

I'm so excited because we have the baby's section of the bedroom almost completely set up! Just a few more decorating touches and it'll be done and perfect. The crib is all set with an awesome new mattress and adorable bedding. And the best news yet, Patrick LOVES it! He sleeps so well in there for his naps and the first part of the night. He ends up in bed with us when I have to get up to feed him. But that's just fine. I was worried that it would be too cramped having his nursery in our little apartment bedroom, but it has actually worked out quite nicely. We still have a part of the bedroom that gets to be the "grown up" section. I am pleased =)

I will post pictures as soon as it is finished.

Speaking of which...I still need to post the Christmas pictures. I guess I better get on that.

I was happy to be able to show the almost finished nursery off to Omi (that would be Patrick's Great Grandmother) before she went back to Germany. She worries about us, being so far away and all, so it was nice to show her that everything is going great and we are doing just fine.

She also got to give Patrick his very first real bath in his little baby tub. I have it on video! I also have a few pictures that I will post (really!). He wasn't quite sure about how he felt about the whole ordeal - typical boy - it was very cute! It was just so neat to be able to make that memory with her. She gave me my first baby tub bath. =)

Birth Control Part 2

I may go back and forth on this issue a zillion more times before truly coming to a decision ( I promise there will not be a "Birth Control Part 1 Zillion" post). I spoke with the Kaleen, the nurse midwife. She suggests I give the IUD a try because I can always get it removed if it gives me problems. Oh the wisdom in that...

So now I am all uncertain again.

Uhg!

I have to wonder how many other women struggle with this issue. It can't just be me. Can it?

I feel like such a weirdo and a pain in the behind to boot. Why don't I just make it easy on myself, on the poor midwives, on Drew, on my faithful readers, and just do what I'm supposed to and get myself some conventional BC goodness?

Part of me really wants to do that...

But the nature girl in me is screaming bloody murder at the thought of ingesting/having inserted hormones and hormone drenched foreign objects.

So...will I try the IUD after all? If I do will I love it or hate it? Or will I give into my tree hugger tendencies and use Neem Oil...

The world may never know.

What would you do?

Birth Control

WARNING: This post may be a bit TMI!!!

Still Reading? Don't say I didn't warn you....

Birth Control - It is a very difficult subject. You wouldn't think so, but it really really is, especially if you have trouble with synthetic hormones like I do. And so, once again, instead of accepting "how things are" I have gone into full research mode. Here is what I have found:

The IUD, while seemingly a fantastic option for those who do not want, or cannot do the pill...is not so fantastic. For one, the most commonly used IUD has hormones too and the same side effects that cause me problems with the pill (i.e. depression, weight gain, fatigue, among other things...) but wait! It gets better! In some instances the body will basically make the IUD a part of you. Meaning it will take surgery to get it out which will usually lead to infertility since they have to cut you up (ok, it is rare, but come on, it CAN happen and that is just scary!) Also, the IUD (both the copper and the hormone one) can cause horrible bleeding and cramping...alot...it is not recommended for people with anemia and can cause anemia. Ridiculous!

So what's a girl to do!? I mean my baby is absolutely wonderful, but I want to enjoy him, and only him, for a little while. Plus I'd like to get used to this whole motherhood thing...and balancing being a wife, mom, and still being me. AND Drew and I really want to be on our feet financially before another baby...so really...what's the option here?

Fertility Awareness Method actually worked really well for us for about a year...and it does work really well if you A. Have a regular cycle and B. Don't mess up. LOL*

Breastfeeding makes the whole regular cycle thing an issue, so no FAM for us. At least for a while.

Barrier methods are common, but they come with their own issues, not to mention they can be costly, and are generally only 87% effective....hmm...

So I started reading about Neem Oil. Ok, so this may be some crazy tree hugger hippie stuff, but Neem Oil is said to be almost 100% effective when used properly AND it is a pill that the guy takes! It has a ton of health benefits, and just happens to be a birth control method to boot. Interesting right!? No side effects, no hormonal issues...seems almost to good to be true!

So Drew and I talked alot! The mini pill gave me problems so I was considering an IUD, but after what I have read, and shared with him...we have agreed that that is perhaps not the best idea...

We are going to give Neem a try, but as I am not ready to trust it 100% we will try it along with barrier and FAM (as soon as things even out there).

We decided that we would rather the small risk of getting pregnant again than have me all tired and gloomy (understatement) all the time - that would not be good for any of us. It is no way to live.

I know some people will think I'm a bit crazy for doing this...but hell, I'd rather be crazy and happy than do something I know will only make me and my family miserable.

Besides...we do make damn cute babies.

Remembering Me

I just got done taking a bath. I shaved for the first time since the baby was born. I felt like a werewolf. I feel better now. I also did a hair treatment, used a delicious new body wash Drew and I splurged on yesterday, and finally topped it all of with some yummy new jojoba oil - It makes skin happy.

Now I feel delightful!

It was a little much needed spa time.

I've been so focused on the baby, and the apartment, and just finding quiet moments to take a deep breath, I had forgotten to actually take care of myself!

It feels really good to do a bit of pampering.

I really want to try and be better about taking care of myself regularly, but at the very least, today should hold me over for another 2 months or so.

Vaccinations Part 2

I ended up just going for it. Patrick received his first two shots.

I spent the entire day worrying and watching him closely. He is of course perfectly fine. He was a teeny bit fussy in the evening, and the following day, but everything is back to normal now.

Maybe I'll be less nervous for the next set in 2 months, but somehow I doubt it. It is, after all, my mommy prerogative to freak out needlessly.

Vaccinations

Tomorrow is Patrick's 8 week check up. It is also when he is supposed to get his first set of shots. I am so nervous about the vaccinations. I am considering waiting a few months before we get started on them. It is a hard place to be. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. So what do I do? Start them and risk him having a reaction, or don't start them yet and risk him getting whatever he would have been vaccinated against? I know there are people on both sides of the fence. People who absolutely will not vaccinate, and people who vaccinate against everything as quickly as possible. After much research and debating we are doing a slower, less aggressive vaccination schedule, and we are happy with this...well as happy as we can be...there is still that small risk of a negative reaction. I don't like it.

It is not easy making these decisions.

Here's hoping all goes well tomorrow. I'm so nervous. I want to cry a little

Pregnant?

No, it's not what you think! I am most certainly NOT pregnant again!

However, I did have the misfortune of being mistaken as pregnant. Oh woe!

It really is time I do something about this flabby belly of mine!

And even though I know I have a flabby belly (that I REALLY try to hide) and I know I just had a baby and it takes time to lose said belly...it felt absolutely awful to have someone talk to my stomache as if there was a little person in there.

How ironic - the one thing that gave me such absolute pleasure when I actually was pregnant, almost rendered me to tears now that I have the baby.

I wanted to say "The baby is doing fine thanks, but he's not been in residence here for 2 months now!" But I didn't want to be rude.

Patrick is 2 Months Old

I know I still need to add some new baby photos, especially since he's a whole month older now. We just moved so finding the camera will be a bit tricky. But as soon as I do, there will be photos.

Patrick is now babbling more, grabbing at things, and playing with his little hands. He laughs out loud all the time, even in his sleep sometimes. It is just incredible. He is so cute! How on earth did I make such an adorable baby!? And how did I get so lucky to have such a happy, easy baby? It is just wonderful!

Also, we have all been sick on and off with different things, but my fantastic little boy has not gotten sick, other than a little cold in December. It is just amazing to me. I feel so very lucky.

Right now my grandmother, Omi, is in town. She adores her great grandson and she would like for me to make more soon. Patrick also got a visit from Grandma D today. It was pretty cool having all the grandmas and the great grandma there loving the baby.

As far as how I am doing 2 months into motherhood - not too shabby. I actually feel pretty good (thanks in no small part to the acupuncture and Chinese herbally goodness I have been getting) And I am finding that I really love being a mother. I am having a bit of a difficult time balancing all of the different parts of me: mother, wife, just plain old Sandi...but I know I'll get there. I do need to start focusing on getting in shape though. That is something ALL the different parts of me agree on.

And it really does amaze me that the diaper changes are not as horrific as I thought they would be...

Happy 2 month Birthday Patrick!

Happy New Year!

We didn't quite make it to midnight. We had our little New Year's toast at 11pm instead of 12. But that just means we were happily snug and in bed when the old year gave way to the new one. Nothing wrong with that. =)

And the first thing we did to ring in the new year is move!

Drew, Patrick, and I have found a little apartment to start the newest chapter of our life together in. It's a little smaller than we are used to, so minimizing will definitely be a must. But it is cute, and ours, and will make a great home for us to start out in.

I just love new beginnings!