Baby's First Christmas

I'll post pictures soon!

We finally got the decorating done on the 24th. We also all got colds, but that didn't stop us from having a really nice Christmas. Everything looked beautiful. The baby loved the lights! We all had a wonderful time at home and out at the mini and then larger family Christmas. =)

We had yummy food, way too many cookies, and my poor husband laughed so hard I think his face still hurts.

It was just a really nice, and pretty relaxing once I got over the Domestic Goddess Itch, Holiday.

I am happy.

And the baby got so totally spoiled rotten! But then, so did we =)

Holiday Expectations

Here is it December 22nd and we still have not decorated for Christmas, I don't even have cards and most gifts yet, and we went and bought cookies because making them this year just seemed like insanity.

So much for my perfect first Christmas with the baby.

I keep trying to remind myself that 1. He won't remember it and 2. I just had a baby and can't be expected to dish out a Christmas of fabulousness and extreme domestic awesomeness...maybe next year...

But I still feel bummed, and like I am failing somehow. I wanted to get cards out with a cute little family photo (I still have not sent out thank yous from my baby showers), I wanted to have decorations everywhere to enjoy for weeks, I want to make gifts, I wanted to bake the most spectacular cookies the world has ever seen...I don't know what I was thinking. I have never done all that in previous years. I don't know what made me think I could do it now with a new and very demanding baby, when I can barley get laundry done during the week.

Still, it is a disappointment. I just so wanted to have the perfect first Christmas as a family.

I am probably putting way too much pressure on myself. I was just so excited about Christmas with the baby.

Just another example of my expectations not being super realistic.

So what can I do about all of this?

Well, I really did want to do Christmas cards. They will just be late. And tag along with thank yous maybe. We bought cookies. Maybe we will bake New Year's cookies?

And decorating? Well, in Germany you don't actually decorate until the 24th. Considering the fact that my poor husband is sick right now anyways, perhaps that isn't such a bad thing, waiting a few days so he can enjoy it too.

I have a feeling once Christmas actually hits, it'll be super special regardless of the lack of decor the store bought cookies, and everything else. Having those things, or not having them, does not change the fact that this is our first Christmas with the baby, which makes it pretty darn specail all on its own.

Now...if I can just convince that crazy little domestic goddess wanna-be in my head...

Spit-Up, Poopie, and Giggles

So, we have discovered that when I eat even the tiniest amount of dairy (I was trying to see if maybe a little would be ok) while he did not get more fussy and gassy, he did spit up more...ALOT more. So, it is official. No dairy for me!

We are really getting the hang of diapers. I find myself wishing I could have him potty trained before he starts on solid foods. Because that poop will be more difficult. Oh well. I am sure we will get the hang of that too when the time comes. For now I am enjoying to ease of the poopie. Also, cloth diapers are fantastic! I really don't know why some people were telling me it is so difficult. It really isn't. And dare I say...It is kinda fun...maybe I need to get out more.

Patrick is 5 weeks old today. He giggles almost all the time when he is awake now (aside from the occasional cry, fuss, and really upset cry) He even giggles when he spits up, which is kinda funny.

He also laughs in his sleep.

He is just so happy! Must be all the yummy food I ate while pregnant. ;)

Patrick is 1 month old!

Weighing in at almost 11lbs, and about an inch or so longer than when he was born...my baby boy is growing fast!

He sometimes looks so big to me, and other times I can't get over how tiny he is.

I am feeling alot better. I still have down and overwhelmed moments, and blah days, but mostly I feel good. And now is the time to start DOING stuff...

But that's not as easy as one might think. How can I get stuff done and keep the baby happy?

It may take me another month or so to figure that one out.

But instead of boring you with that - I am going to be the gushing mommy and share with you everything my brilliant little baby can do!

He can hold his head up for over 1 minute and push himself up with his arms. And he can stand on his legs and bounce. He laughs and smiles, I think he recognizes me. He loves to fly, he loves watching lights and staring at light and shadows. He coos and ahhs and of course makes his little happy monster noises often.

It is so wonderful to have such a happy baby =)

It was not Love at first sight...

I did think he was pretty adorable when he was born, and more every day since...

And I've been completely fascinated by him, the things he does, and the fact that I am a mother...(that still has not quite sunk in yet)

I have loved snuggling him, and find it hard not to hold him when its been too long...or he's sad...or sleeping all cute...or awake and happy...

The one outing I have had without him so far, I had so much fun but really missed him.

I feel happy and proud when people say how cute he is...

So, it is obvious that while it was not love at first sight, I liked him a whole lot from the very start, even during the frustrating times...

But...today...

Today I fell in love.

Or maybe it really was love all along.

It's been 3 weeks...

He gets cuter every day.

He's a teeny bit less cute when he decides to cry and be awake all night instead of sleep...but still pretty adorable, though at that point my vision is a bit blurred...

He adores the owl mobile above his bassinet, and the little car seat rattles. He plays with faeries regularly...and sometimes he laughs out loud for no apparent reason. He makes little monster noises, and really seems happy 90% of the time. It feels wonderful to have such a happy baby.

It is so strange to think he was born just 3 weeks ago...

14 Days of Mommyhood

Patrick is two weeks old today. I just can't believe it! He's already holding his head up. He was such a little show off for his Grandma D when she stopped by for a visit. Just too cute.

I wish I could capture every second of his cuteness...I have been told that this early baby time goes by very quickly...I don't want to forget any of it.

I do think I have gotten over the initial shock of "Oh my GOD I have baby!"...mostly...so I can enjoy this time, even with a few ups and downs in my mood.

I am also almost a master diaper changer. Is there a medal or trophy or at least a little plaque for that?

All around I am feeling a bit more capable. I have also noticed that when I am feeling really down, holding him makes it better. He has magickal powers of extreme cuteness...truly!

Right now he is making little monster noises. I think he likes to hear what kinds of sounds he can make. He practices that skill alot. He really makes us laugh =)

I wonder what the next two weeks will bring?

What I Learned Today

1. I underestimate myself

2. It is ok to start something and later decide not to do it after all

3. I am still recovering and need to take it easy a bit longer

4. This is a transition time, I am not supposed to be living life to the fullest just yet

5. It is perfectly acceptable and expected even to have frizzy hair and frumpy clothes right now (still recovering and in transition)

This makes me feel so much better!!!

A New Role

As I am nearing the end of my recovery period it has occurred to me that real life has to start soon...I am so scared it isn't even funny! How can I do this? Be a mom and still be me? I know it is possible because I have seen it, but I imagine it takes alot of effort.

I have always wanted to be one of those really awesome Domestic Goddess type moms who know everything and do everything without missing a beat. Bake, cook, craft with the kids and my own stuff, sew, knit, paint, and do it all with a smile and awesome hair and clothes...

I always figured I'd have time to perfect these skills before adding a baby into it...somehow time caught up to me, and now here I am with the wriggly cute little creature that relies on me completely, and I have no idea how to be a mom, and certainly have had no practice being that Domestic Goddess I have always wanted to be. (I am sure feminists everywhere are cringing right about now. You can be a feminist and still rock the Domesticness...really though)

SO how do I do this?

How do I be the grown up I have always wanted to be, while adding on this new role of mommyhood?

It is so scary. What if I can't do it? What if I just half-ass through life and lose myself completely to become nothing more than "Patrick's mom" and Sandi no longer exists...and I'll wake up one day and wonder what the hell happened...

This is my not so secret fear...

But what to do about it?

I've never been good with the follow through. I don't even know where to start. The days blur into each other, and before I know it a week has gone by and all I have to show for it is frizzy hair, some clean laundry, and a well fed sleeping baby.

This does not make a life...at least not a very well lived one.

I want to be awesome at this...but I don't know how.

Cheese Puffs and Danish - Bad Idea!

So, yesterday I had a non lunch of junk food around 12pm... about 12 hours later we paid the price for my severe lack in judgement.

The baby does not like dairy, including cheese...and sadly the junk food was not junky enough to be fake cheese *sigh*

Poor little Patrick did not settle down until 3am...and poor Drew had to be up at 5am.

I will not be doing that again!

The first 7 days

Patrick is now 7 days old.

It is still sinking in that I am a mother. I have some very serene moments where I just feel as if I am overflowing with love and calm. And I have moments where I am completely overwhelmed by this. How can I be responsible for another little being when I can barely pull off just being me? Every time I start to feel this way I try to remind myself that alot of it is hormones going crazy, and not really me. I also talk to Drew about it. Expressing out moments of panic and overwhelmedness help us deal with them, and bond more with each other. And it usually leads right into happy moments and being completely smitten with the baby conversations. It is really nice to share this whole experience with each other, the good and the bad. After all, this is a journey we are going on together. 

We've only had one really rough night with the baby so far. The second night he was home. Man oh man was that a rough night! But since then we are starting to get our groove, albeit a bit clumsily still.

I've noticed that things that I feared before hand (like poop) are not nearly as scary - in fact, some of my happiest memories of the past week involve baby changing drama. Very messy, and very funny! 

I have been so lucky to have Drew with me this whole time. Being my support, my anchor, and just making me feel so cherished. Not to mention watching him with Patrick is just the most adorable thing ever! I'm so glad he got to spend the first week of Patrick's life with him and not at work. 

Sadly, the mini vacation is over and he is back to work today. This is my first day with the baby all by myself. I am happy to report it is going really well! 

I just can't believe we've already had him for 7 days...1 whole week...wow! 

Happy Birthday Patrick!

Patrick is here!

He was born 4:15am, weighing 9lbs 1 ounce, and 20.5 inches long.

The birth was amazing! Painful sure, but definitely not impossible, and just amazing and empowering! I had so much support from my midwife and the assistants/doulas, and of course Drew never left my side. My mom was in the mix as well, rubbing my feet. She was also there to hold my hand during a slightly rough time after the baby was born. I have to say, I felt absolutely spoiled and loved. If ever there was a time in my life where I felt like a princess, or a goddess (as Drew likes to call me) this was definitely it!

12.5 hours of labor (once it really got going it was kind of a strange blur), and suddenly...there he was! This messy, crying, wriggly little creature...

My son...

Wow!

And he's beautiful!

Happy Birthday Pumpkin.

The Last Belly Pics!

40 Weeks

41 Weeks

Acupuncture & Stuff

Something I never thought I'd do...acupuncture. It has always creeped me out a bit. I realize that is a bit funny coming from a girl with a bunch of tattoos...but weird little needles sticking out of various body parts really is...just creepy...

But being severely pregnant and 6+ days overdue can really change a girl's mind.

So I have an appointment on Saturday to be "naturally induced" via acupuncture.

Unless of course he decides to come before then...

Either way...it looks like he'll be born Saturday at the latest! YEY!

I also had a BPP done (ultrasound to make sure the baby is doing ok in there - he is) and they estimate he is 9lbs. Yikes!

One cool thing - I've been asked twice today when I am due. Yey for random people finally noticing I am pregnant and asking about it! It makes me happy! I know it is silly, but at this point especially, I'll take those small little pleasures =)

+ 5 Days

I am now 5 days overdue.

I'm trying so hard to just relax and be calm...I know that stressing out and being anxious really won't do any good...

But it is so hard to relax and be calm when I am so uncomfortable...

Baby...November 3rd is a wonderful day for a Birthday!

+ 3 days...

3 days overdue. I can't even imagine what it would be like if I have to go 2 weeks. That seems like forever! And I am already so uncomfortable I want to cry most of the time.

Drew has been so wonderful, reminding me to relax, and that the baby will come soon, as soon as he's ready...

It was a bit of a let down to not have him today. Last night my contractions got to 5 minutes apart, not strong at all, but more regular...I was so sure he'd come today, until I woke up and realized the contractions had stopped. *sigh*

He'll be here soon. I know he will. And I am trying to enjoy the last few days or so of relative quiet and complete relaxation and laziness...but I hurt so much all over...

Halloween

Today is Halloween. I've been having small contractions every 20 minutes or so since last night...sometimes they will stop for an hour and then start up again. But they are not progressing just yet.

I'm not sure he'll be coming today...but maybe, maybe tomorrow...

So tonight we will much on some candy, pumpkin soup, and maybe another goody or two, and watch movies. A nice relaxed Halloween.

I look forward to next year though - I will decorate, and dress up, and hand candy out to little kiddlets. That'll be fun =D

40 Weeks!!!!

Yup, today is my due date! Only 5% of babies actually come on their due dates...and I have a pretty good feeling that Patrick is not going to come today.

I am very hopeful about this weekend though...I am definitely showing signs: lost the plug, moodier than usual, more achy and tired than usual, feeling a bit "off", contractions here and there, 2 cm dilated and a bit effaced...the baby is in perfect position and dropped VERY low...

It really does seem more like a matter of days than a matter of weeks.

Then again, who really knows? I think it is so cool (and only a teeny bit frustrating) that there is absolutely no scientific way to figure out when a baby will be born. Babies choose their birthdays. I am really hoping mine is wanting an end of October birthday. I can handle Nov 1st too...but after that? Man oh man...I really will cry...

So how does it feel to be at the due date?

Surreal.

It feels like I have been pregnant forever, but at the same time it seems like this has gone by so fast.

I will miss the rolly little pumpkin in my belly.

But I am sure the rolly little pumpkin outside of the belly will be a ton of fun too...even though he'll poop alot...

Really?

So I watched "A Baby Story" each episode tells the story of a baby's birth. The one I watched said the mother had an easy pregnancy but not an easy delivery and labor. It looks like most take place in the hospital, but I thought, hey why not see what this is all about since I've heard people talk about the show.

Ok, first off...I'm not quite sure how the labor and birth were difficult, especially since the mother got an epidural the moment the pain was "too much" and pushed for all of 5 minutes for the baby to come out. Seriously...5 minutes.

So, that aside. I don't think this couple went to a birthing class because no coping techniques were used at all. She moaned and cried and freaked out a teeny bit, and he sat there and held her hand. Neither was an active participant.

No wonder people think I am insane to want to do a natural birth. No wonder people talk about being too scared to do it natural, or the pain being too much. If you don't educate yourself and find some coping techniques that work for you, of course it is too much!

Even if I was planning on having a medicated hospital birth, I would want to be educated. You never know...I mean who hasn't heard stories of the epidural not kicking in in time?

It just surprised me to see this story, of a birth, nothing crazy or especially difficult about it, just a birth. But they made it sound like it was so awful.

How annoying!

I'll probably cry too when I'm in labor. I suffer no illusions that it won't hurt. But I am confident enough in the education I have received and the people by my side, and myself, to know that I'll get through it just fine...and I won't be calling it "difficult" because I could actually feel it. 

Please.

39 Weeks

6 days until my due date...

I am so ready for him to come out now! I am still totally freaked out about being a mom...but my body is done...done! It is time to just face the facts - baby is coming...I WILL be a mom...facts faced...ok come out now...PLEASE!!!!!

Waiting...

Yesterday my braxton hicks got stronger, and I started having the dull backache that then moves to the front. There was a slight pattern to it, but it was about 45 minutes apart, then went away. So, it could be any day now, or it could be a few weeks more. Still no telling. We are definitely getting to the point where we want him here. We want to meet him and tickle him and kiss him and squish him and snuggle him. I'll miss being pregnant, but I am finally feeling ready to be Patrick's mommy.

This gorgeous weather has me feeling all sentimental (more than usual) and mushy (...more than usual). We went for this wonderful walk today, and I just kept thinking about how I can't wait to share these things with Patrick.

I wonder how he'll like having a cool breeze kiss his cheeks while he's all bundled up, safe and warm? Or what he'll think of the sunshine? Or the tall trees rustling in the wind?

I can't wait to show him the world.

But now we're just waiting...if he really does hang on until my due date, or later...we may go a little crazy with the wait...Drew especially...he's SO excited! =)

Henna Belly 38 Weeks

Last week one of the ladies at the birth center did a henna tattoo for me. It looks really great! Here's the belly at 38 weeks...growing growing...with a bit of decoration =)

38 Weeks!

Getting close to the end...

I am both super excited and can't wait for him to be born...and kinda freaked out and hope he'll stay in there as long as possible.

It's funny to me how there really is no telling. Most first time mom's are late, but that doesn't mean all.

Also, I have heard from multiple sources that the low pressure system with the moon phase can make babies come.

Pretty cool!

Will it make my baby come?

Part of me hopes it does...and part of me really would like a little more time to get ready...

But it doesn't really matter what I want, or think, or what anyone guesses...

Patrick will be coming when he's ready.

He's all about the surprise =)

Who are you? Who will you be?

I often find myself wondering what he'll be like.

Will he be big and tall like his Daddy?

Will he be nerdy, sporty, preppy, artistic, punky, too smart for his own good, sensitive, rough n tumble, a little bit of everything?

Where will his talents lie? Will he be good at math? Music? Art? A rocket scientist? An Engineer? A Financial planner? A rockstar? A programmer? Will he really be a ninja?

There are no limits...that is both utterly frightening and completely fascinating to me...

37 Weeks!

Officially term...

he can come anytime now...

Mom thinks he'll be late, a few random people think he'll be early. Funny thing about that is many of them guessed the same amount of early...38 weeks...

I hope it'll be a bit longer than that. I really don't mind letting him cook a little more, even though I am getting a tad bit uncomfortable.

The thing is there is really no predicting when he'll be here. He's going to come when he decides he wants to come. Isn't that just crazy!?

In the mean time - I have quit my job (I miss you job! They even gave me a little going away party with yummy cupcakes) and after this upcoming weekend I will be relaxing like crazy! Movies, books, journaling, day dreaming...here I come! I'm pretty excited about that =D My little reprieve before the baby is here.

I'm actually looking forward to the weekend too. The cleaning urge has been strong (nesting? maybe...) so getting some good cleaning done will be awesome! I'm finally getting that bag packed too! We will also be getting a little area in the bedroom ready for Patrick.

Drew and I will be going out on a nice date this weekend too! I'm even going to get dressed up =D I'm excited! Oh! And we are taking some pregnancy pictures out at a pretty park. Really - it should be an awesome weekend!

It is possible it'll be the last one we have before the baby comes...if not...well next weekend will be totally relaxed and full of video games! (When Drew reads this I am sure his heart will skip a beat! LOL*)

So Sandi is 'term' as of tomorrow. What that means, for anyone who doesn't know, is that as of tomorrow, she is officially complete in her pregnancy, she's gone 9 months, and the baby is ready. The wonderfully scary thought that conjures is that I could be a daddy anytime....ANYTIME NOW FOLKS!!!! Holy jeebus....


I'm good...I'll slide, however awkwardly, into my daddy role and we're going to have a blast with our baby. I love my Sandi, my Patrick, and all my family and friends. I know we'll make it through!

Getting Ready for Baby

This Thursday I will be 37 weeks and officially full term. This means Patrick could come at any time. There has been a prediction that I won't make it past 38 weeks...I hope this is wrong...but if it isn't, I better be ready!

There is alot to do yet, and I am going to have to rely on mom and Drew to help me get it done because I have been doing WAY too much.

My last appointment went well, I'm ok and the baby is perfect, but I was seriously swollen and had gained 7lbs very very quickly...not good signs. My blood pressure was also slightly elevated.

So I was put on a diet, told to have my feet up always, told to take it much easier than I have been, and told to take dandelion, yellow dock, and nettle to help get things flowing and make sure my liver is working properly.

Now, in under a week I have lost 5lbs and the swelling is MUCH better! Very good things! Tomorrow is my next appointment and I have a feeling they will be very pleased with the change. =)

Thanks to the heaven of pillows Drew made for me I have finally been sleeping better, I have been resting a whole lot more, and I have quit my job. My last day will be Thursday, and it is also the only day I am going in this week. I have some loose ends to tie up, other wise I would not go in at all.

I also have only one class meeting left...

and then nothing. Nothing but getting ready, and waiting...

and resting a ton of course.

now to make a list of all that still needs doing, and not get overwhelmed by it...

The Greatest Gift

I was given the greatest gift anyone could give a very pregnant woman who has been plagued by heartburn and sleepless night for far too long...

My wonderful and amazing and quite genius husband gave it to me...

A night of sleep...with absolutely no heartburn...

in fact, I slept so well I only got up to pee twice instead of my normal 5 or 6 times...

Our poor couch and giant chair have been stripped of all their cushions. Some of the cushions were sacrificed so I could work on my laptop with my feet propped up. But most of the cushions have found a home on our bed. They kept me propped upright but oh so comfy all night long.

Thank you Drew!

I am so happy I could cry!

Super Awesomeinity

This is my new word. I think it sub-consciously formed from the feeling of being less than a month away from being a father. I even conjured it on the exact 1-month mark. I haven't been the best at posting consistently here, Sandi told me that out of 95 posts (including this one), I am making this my fifth. Those odds don't give me good chances of winning the secret blogger parent award raffle, but I feel happy none-the-less. I think the prize I'm sure to receive (a new baby, that is) is much more important and fun! My wifey has been just the best throughout her pregnancy, and I want her to know how very blessed it has been to not have her on bed-rest, and not feel alienated by her in the least, and just have a relatively gentle pregnancy, from what I read. She is having some heartburn/coughing issues where each one triggers the other...a vicious cycle.

In my line of things, work is going well. Each day that passes I ask fewer and fewer questions, and look more and more information up on my own. I have homework to do that I'm 'reserving' for later (read : procrastinating). I am in the process of getting a potential 10 extra points on my mid-term, provided my line-of-thinking is correct. All-in-all, an extremely blessed existence. I could complain about only one thing, and that is male interaction. I have a few really good friends, but they're all a ways away. Not through any fault of their own, really, just the way things shaped up. Just wish all my people were within 15 minutes of me. While I'm wishing, I wouldn't mind a few mil.

I'm so lucky to have what I do, and on that note, hope all is well for the next 5 weeks!!!

36 Weeks!

That mean 28 day to go (give or take) Wow...just wow! It is highly likely that in less than 1 month I will be a mommy. Drew will be a daddy. We will be parents...OMG!!!

So you may wonder what is new this week? I'll tell you - we are still struggling to get the house in some kind of order, get everything ready for the baby, and have ample time to just rest and enjoy the last month of my pregnancy, nothing new there...but...

My belly officially sticks out more than my butt...which is quite the feat let me tell you! And due to some stretching and pulling in interesting places my poor husband has to help me dress. Pants have become impossible for me to put on without some help. How come you never see something like that on TV or in movies? It is funny stuff! Seriously!
Ok, maybe right now it makes me want to cry just a little, but I know that when I can dress myself again and walk without pain or waddling, it'll be damned funny!

35ish Weeks - The Belly has GROWN!

My New Bank

I went to the bank yesterday and talked to a very nice lady about getting everything set up and working with my new account. As I stood up she exclaimed, "Oh! You're having a baby!"
I smiled very big and she asked how far along I am. "Just a month to go"
She was super excited and said I absolutely must bring the baby in soon. =P

A complete stranger, who had no way of knowing I am pregnant based where I was shopping, what I was shopping for, or the course of the conversation, actually noticed! YEY!

I am super happy =D

A Tale of Two Showers: Part 2

Yesterday was the family shower in Bradenton. Drew, mom and I had a great time! Jenny and Tim offered up their back room at the restaurant and some yummy snacky foods for the occasion. The decor was fun and beachy baby boy =) The cake was SO cute and delicious...mmmm...cake...

It was great to see everyone, and they all seemed so excited for us which is really cool! Drew got to open some gifts as well. And we got some really great stuff! It was just really really wonderful!

Drew and I ate way too much sweet stuff =P But I am thinking of eating more of that cake after lunch today!

I think it is so cool that we got to do a shower together. We both feel very thoroughly loved and supported by friends and family.
We may not be 100% ready for the baby to come yet...but we know we are not in this alone, and that makes it so much less scary.

Finally!

At the fabric store and stanger asked at touch my belly =D
YEY!

She was a very nice lady who was getting fabric to make costumes for her three girls. As she was leaving the fabric cutting area she asked if she could touch the belly, said congratulations, and wished me luck =D

How cool is that!?
I am so tickled!

Where is the time going?

There is so so so much left to do, and time keeps running away from me. Tomorrow I will be 35 weeks. That means 5 weeks until the due date. Even crazier...next Thursday is October 1st!!! Then I will officially be in the month of my due date! Oh My God!!!

I just honestly don't know how, or if, everything is going to get done. And really 'if' is not an option...

So it just must all get done, somehow...

Time...please slow down!

I'm so excited about our baby....there's no real "being ready for" the baby, but we're as ready as can be expected. I love my wife and our life is going to be just amazing. More so than now, if that can be believed.

34 Weeks - Freakouts and Meditations

That means I have 6 weeks until my due date...actually 5 weeks and 4 days...which means just over 2 weeks before I am term...

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I do find it a little funny (not funny haha, but funny hmmm) that when I was around 6 weeks pregnant I got an upper respiratory infection, and here I am with about 6 weeks to go...another one. They are utterly miserable by the way! Being sick sucks. Being sick when you're pregnant is the ultimate Hell. And while I am all for natural remedies and hippie tree hugger goodness...thank GOD for antibiotics...seriously.

But illness aside, I am doing good for the most part. I still think my biggest complaint is the heartburn. Another tough thing is the groin/pelvic pain. Sometimes I can't even walk it hurts so bad. This is, apparently, quite normal. uhg! I am doing stretches, and they seem to be helping, but man what a horrid place to be hurting every time you move "wrong" or try to take a step.

The baby also has a new game called "Xylophone Ribcage" sounds cute yes? I'm sure it is cute when it isn't YOUR ribcage that is being xylophoned. It seriously hurts! Oddly, I can just tell how much fun he has doing it, so despite the pain it does make me laugh a little. I just hope he doesn't start playing that game as much as he plays "Smoosh the Bladder"...

So am I at the point yet where I just want him born?

Yes and no...

I had a dream about him about a week ago that made me so very much want to hold him and have him here...

But I still so do not feel ready for this...what if I drop him? or squish his soft head? Or bonk it? Or just suck at this mom thing? What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't change my opinion about children? What if I can't handle the late nights, the lack of sleep, the poop and vomit...everything...

So yes...I want him here...but I tell you what, I could still wait a few months. I just don't have a few months...I have a few weeks...OMG!!!!

And speaking of lack of sleep...if one more person tells me to "get sleep now" I might scream...tell me how on earth I am supposed to get sleep now when I am up every 45 minutes to and hour to pee. Or am woken up that often because of serious heartburn? Get sleep now...right. I'd like to. I can't. But thanks for reminding me that it'll be a REALLY long time before I get to sleep through the night again.

I am kinda looking forward to not having the heartburn anymore though...that will be nice...

On a very exciting up note - Drew and I practiced some meditation/visualization techniques and it went really well. See part of the whole natural birth deal it to be able to stay as calm and relaxed as possible. I've been nervous about this because I suck at meditating and suck even more at visualizing. But Drew found a way to make it work for me! We are both so excited about this and will be practicing daily. YEY!

Heartburn really hurts!

So there is this old wive's tale that having alot of heartburn while pregnant means that the baby will be born with a full head of hair...

That thought comforts me at times like this. It is 2:25am and I cannot lie down or I will vomit. Heartburn hurts...so much...

I am not a stranger to heartburn. After the wedding planning I developed an ulcer (probably had more to do with the umteen cups of coffee I drank the last few months before, and about a month after the wedding, and less with actual stress) So I had to take medication and everything. I discovered natural remedies that worked wonders and got off the medication, and rarely had heartburn anymore, and even then it wasn't so bad...and certainly I could sleep through the night just fine...

I actually got through most of the pregnancy heartburn free, or with just mild pain here and there...

until recently...

My old rememdies do not work. Small meals do not work. Tons of water does not work...nothing works...

It just hurts and it sucks so bad.

I will miss so many things about being pregnant. I will not miss the heartburn from Hell.

Might be worth it if he really does come out with hair on his head. How cute would that be!?

I really am so sleepy though...

33 Weeks

I just had my check-up today. The baby is in position (still floating around of course, but exactly has he is supposed to be - head down and facing my spine) and growing perfectly. His heartbeat is strong, and he's just happy as can be. He's just perfect =D

I'm doing great, feeling really good (aside from coming down with some kind of mini flu that is going around at work...still fighting it though...)

And I am getting really nervous and really excited that the baby will be here soon.

I just really hope he stays in there at least until my due date...I am doing all I can to make it as cozy as possible... =p 7 weeks seems too soon...4 weeks is definitely too soon...but he could come anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks...think 40 + a little everyone! We need every day we can get...

A Tale of Two Showers: Part 1

Last weekend I had my very first ever baby shower. It was put together by two of my very wonderful friends, with a bit of help from my mom and myself. It was such a blast!

The adorable Cottage at Lake Lily was redone and painted blue inside - just perfect for a baby boy shower don't you think?

The couple of day leading up to the shower, mom, Drew and I were running around like crazy getting our parts finished up, purchased, and/or made...the day of the shower we all came together and decorate like crazy - Wow that place looked awesome! I need to get the pictures off the camera (and from a few people) and I'll post some here. 

There were quite a few people who said they were coming and did not show up for various reasons, but there was really a perfect number of people there. Perfect for it to be fun, but still cozy. 

We got some really awesome and special gifts, had delicious food and cake, and I have to say I am quite proud of how the guest book (belly cast) turned out - and once people got over their initial shyness, no one seemed to have a problem signing my boobies =P

It was just really wonderful, and I love that I have such fantastic friends! I feel very loved.

Drew and I had a great time together plopped in the nursery going through the gifts and cards. 

My favorite part though, was reading the cards, advice, and signings from the belly cast. =)

The Family shower is in just a couple of weeks and Drew and I are both very excited about that one too! I think he will have fun getting a bit of the attention =) Daddies-to-be are important too after all.

32 Weeks

Just 8 weeks left until my due date...

8 weeks...

That is a session of school...I am very familiar with how quickly that time flies by...

Oh... My... God!

Birthing Class - The split

I guess there are so many women due around the same time - we ended up with way too many couples in a small space...so we had to split the class.

Drew and I volunteered to go on the new day...the only little sadness is that one of the couples we really liked will still be going on Tuesdays. *sigh*

There will be a little reunion after we've all had our babies though...so that'll be cool =D

Also, the new night will be a whole lot easier on me, I won't have such a LONG day on Tuesdays. Drew will still be dragging a bit, but I think he'll be feeling better, even on that long day, once he gets used to the work schedule a bit more.

Class last night was alot of fun. We got a demonstration of how the uterus helps "push" the baby out. The instructor used a balloon and a tiny toy lemon. "This will take some time, it is this balloon's first baby" LOL*

Next week we will be getting an education in hospital procedures, in case any of us has to go to the hospital. I really like that we will be prepared for such a thing...but I am praying that we won't need to use that knowledge...

We have a ton of information about laboring positions and a hypnobirthing CD and everything to practice with....

Cloth Diapering

I know that just about everyone thinks I am insane for wanting to do cloth diapers. Thankfully, Drew doesn't think it is insane...that would be kinda hard.

I went to a cloth diapering class last night with Drew and mom. While I knew quite a bit, since I have done a TON of research, they did not know as much and really got to learn alot. I learned a few cool things too. It was a good class.

One thing I learned - those poop blowouts that people love to tell stories about to terrify soon-to-be parents with - do not happen with cloth diapers. This is coming from a woman who has 5...count them 1 2 3 4 5 children. (I'd like to add that she wants at least 8...holy wow!)

I am afraid of poop. Seriously...the thought of cleaning stinky gross poop, and even worse, getting it on me, and even WORSE having to clean it off of EVERYTHING haunts me...
But to have learned that using cloth diapers = no poop blowouts...OMG! SOLD!!!
Not that I wasn't already. =)

I have had a few people tell me I can't do it. I'm not sure these people know me too well, because generally when I am told I can't do something, I am even more determined to do it. I'm a brat like that. Or really just determined, whichever word you like better =P

So yes, we will be using cloth diapers. And yes, we might be a bit insane, but not for that reason ;)

The Belly @ 31 Weeks

I'm a little sad because I don't think the belly has grown very much since last time I posted pics (around 28 weeks right?) Of course...that could mean a nice big growth spurt is in the cards very soon...maybe just in time for baby showers!

=D

Wonderfulness...

I just returned from work on this wonderful Friday, and was lying in bed with my Sandilion and a pumpkin belly. I pressed my face into the pumpkin and felt five distinct points of pressure from 5 little fingers against my cheek....no words....just no words.

31 Weeks!

I didn't think it was possible for him to move around even more...but the last few days he's just been moving like crazy. He's our little ninja in training.

Last weekend we went to a baby expo and had a 3D ultrasound done. I was so excited to see what he's actually doing in there...

He slept.

He smiled a little when Drew started talking to him (you can debate the issue of whether or not babies actually smile, but I think they do and you can't convince me otherwise), then he yawned really big and burried his head into his favorite pillow (i.e. the placenta). We did get some very cute pictures of him that I will post as soon as I find the scanner...but the mystery of what exactly is going on in there will never be solved. This was our last sneak peak before he is born.

Still, I am pretty certain now that he is indeed training to be a ninja.

He loves video games and goes absolutely crazy when Drew and I are playing one. Last night his kicks and punches actually hurt a little.

I just can't believe there are only 9 weeks left until he's here! It's just so crazy!

I'm feeling really good and getting less scared and more excited every day =)

Birth Class 2: The Video

Let me start by saying, I love things that are a little bit stereotypical. For example, when planning the wedding my contact person for the Winter Park Farmer's Market was named Beulah. So in my head I conjured images of a large older black woman who was soft and mushy at heart, but kinda tough on the outside. I tried not to get my hopes up about her personality and appearance...and then I met her. Much to my delight, she was just as I imagined! Also, in England when I heard a native gentleman refer to something as "Bloody Brilliant" I could hardly contain myself.

I just LOVE stuff like that...

So, after watching countless movies and TV shows with the stereotypical weird hippie off the beaten path birthing classes, you can only imagine what I was expecting.

I knew of course this would be a bit more down-to-earth, I am not in a movie or sitcom after all (though sometimes I wonder)...

But Tuesday night, we watched a video called "Birth as we Know it" Can I just say I was so tickled! Talk about your over-the-top weird hippie spiritual off the beaten path video awesomeness! I mean the narration was done by a woman with a Russian accent! DELIGHTFUL!

It was actually a really great video for more than just those reasons - there was alot of great information, and it made me feel empowered, which I am certain was the whole point.

The really shocking part of the video was seeing an actual circumcision done!

WOW!

As Drew said - There are some things you just can't unsee...

If we were still on the fence regarding this issue, that moment would have decided it!

So Birthing Class 2 was great. And I am so excited about next week...Hypnobirthing (yup! more weird hippie stuff! And stuff I am very interested in too!)

Sugar Pumpkin

The baby is now about the size of a small pumpkin!

YEY!

He is rolling around and stretching and kicking so much. It's crazy. I'm going to miss when he's not in there anymore...of course then he'll be out here and I'll be busy feeding, changing, and playing with him =)

Oh he also gets hiccups. I wonder if they tickle him as much as they tickle me?

I'll have new belly picks up soon. Promise =)

30 Weeks

Only 10 weeks left!
or 70 days...

Just wow...

FINALLY!

Yesterday afternoon someone who didn't previously know I was pregnant realized I was pregnant!

Not a stranger, but a lady who workd at DeVry. It was pretty funny too because I thought she knew. But I came out of the bathroom and she said "Hi" as usual, then stared at me for a second and then said "OH MY GOD! YOU'RE PREGNANT!"
Too funny!
I laughed and said "Haven't you noticed me getting fatter every time I walk by your office?" LOL*
Shows how much people pay attention right? =P

But it made me very happy - Finally someone who didn't know...saw me and knew =D

Birthing Class

Drew and I went to our first birthing class last night. This first class was more of an overview of what we will be doing the next 5 weeks. It was pretty cool though. There are three other couples in the class, all of them will be giving birth at the birth center, and all are having their first baby.

I am really looking forward to learning all the techniques, and perhaps getting rid of some of my fears.

Plus, it is a really good bonding experience I think =)

Baby on the brain...

The new session of school starts in just 2 weeks. I am so not feeling it!

I have barely made it through this session, in fact I procrastinating right now instead of working on a paper that was actually due last night *sigh*

My head just is not in it.

And work? My god I do not want it right now! I want to get the house ready, I want to bake things, I want to get the baby's room ready, read book to help me even get an idea of what it takes to raise a person...I do not want to sit and do nothing at work half the day, sure I get paid for sitting and doing nothing, but that is not really helping me feel ready to be a mother...expect maybe learning the all important lesson - we can't always do what we want to do.

I wish I could take this session off.

All I can say is that I hope my new course is not too work intensive. If it is...I fear for my A very much!

It wasn't even this bad up to the wedding...sure I was distracted, but nothing like this...

I definitely have nothing but baby on the brain.

The Belly Brace...Get One!

We like to go on little hiking walks, especially on the weekends. But it has been getting much harder for me to walk for a long time, especially on uneven ground. I have a friend who got a belly brace and said it's awesome. She uses it mostly for cleaning. Since I am getting very spoiled in that regard right now, I really just need it for walking. Then I started thinking, maybe I don't need on at all.

There are two kinds - the ultimate strap-tastic could hold up an elephant's belly braces, and simple bands that snap or velcro just under the belly. But really...the super strapy one looks too complicated and made me break out in a a sweat just looking at all that thick itchy fabric, and the simple one, well what good could it really do?

The lady in Motherhood Maternity let me try one on...Holy cow!!!! I felt as if I lost 5lbs! It was fantastic...

So if you are ever in the market for a belly brace - I highly reccomend one, and the simple one at that!

It is heavenly =D

29 Weeks!

Which means about 77 days left!

I try not to think about that though...it is all going by so fast!

I am really going to miss the kicks and hiccups...and even the odd rolls. 

Though, I am starting to reach that point of getting a bit uncomfortable, especially when there is some body part stuck in my ribcage...I still really am getting the hang of this pregnancy thing, and I am so not ready for the next phase "mommyhood"

The Belly at 28.5 Weeks

The shirt says "Good things come in large bellies" =)

The 3rd Trimester

Here I am! 28 weeks!
Since I am way behind on photos I will post some to mark my entrance into the last part of pregnancy.
How did this happen so fast!? Sometimes it still feels like I just found out I was pregnant...and now there are only 12 weeks left!
12 weeks...
wow...

Some cool things - the belly is now interactive! A friend of mine told me that you can put stuff on your belly and the baby will try to kick it off...so we tried it last night. OMG! Coolest thing ever! Mom, Drew and I sat around putting items on the belly and watched with utter glee as the baby kicked, rolled, and poked at the items! It really was so cool =D

Also, people are commenting more and more on how pregnant I look, or how great I look pregnant =P It makes me really happy. I don't think it is even so much the compliments (though they are very nice) or the fact that people are actually seeing that I am pregnant (no strangers yet though, maybe next week) but the fact that people are so excited! Babies are just little bundles of joy...it is hard not to smile when you see one...

I think it is really cool to be able to be the bringer of sunshine into a sometimes stormy world.

Endings and beginnings

I recently (this past Monday) lost Smoky. He was my mom's Siberian Husky and Samoyed mix dog, but he became everyone's dog. He had a much longer life than most dogs his size, so we were blessed in that respect. It just made me think about mortality, and bringing life into this world. I am so blessed again that Sandi and I are having our Patrick Pumpkin. I've also fully enveloped myself in the belief that death is only the beginning of a greater journey, one that we are only preparing for in this life.


The pumpkin will move and kick now when I talk to him, even if I'm speaking a few feet away. It brings me joy every time I feel or see the belly move and bump. There're no words to express the feeling of knowing that the life being built is yours to shape and mould into a human being, who then gets to go into the world and make their mark. I hope that all my children get a better start than I had (which will be pretty tough to top, because my 'rents are awesome).

Am I in the right restroom?

So here is my question - how old is too old for a boy to be in the girl's bathroom? I mean I realize when they are really young, if daddy isn't around and you have to go, or the little one has to go, you're going in the girl's room. But what if he's tall enough to reach the sink on his own to wash his hands? What if he's 8? 9?10? or older...isn't it about time for him to potty all on his own?

I'm just asking because the kid I just saw in the restroom with his family had to be atleast 10...weirdest part, his older brother was standing outside the restrooms waiting for them...
Um....????....

It is very hard to have my zen potty break when I am listening to a boy talking in the girl's room...just weird...

27 Weeks

According to some I have now entered my third trimester. According to me, I've not actually hit it until next week...regardless...time is certainly moving along...too quickly!

There is so much I need to get done before the baby arrives...I really wish I didn't have to go to work anymore and could just concentrate on getting ready.

I just have to work around it for now, and take shorter naps and push on through the sleepies...

It is weird - I have to rest, but not so much that nothing gets done...difficult balance.

I'll have pictures up tomorrow. I don't think they belly has grown too much over the last few weeks, maybe the photos will prove otherwise.

On my way to Kentucky to visit my dad, I told the ticket agent I was pregnant, but had a note to travel and he said "Oh but you can't be that far along..." I tried to remain polite, but he got a bit of the stink-eye when I informed him I was almost in my third trimester...

Why is it people still can't tell that I am definitely pregnant? Grrr!

Where is that annoying stranger who comes up and asks a billion questions while invading my space and touching my stomache?

Maybe next week?

I feel pretty good though, and I have gotten a few comments from people who know I am pregnant. Things about having a glow and looking good and all that. That's very nice. I do very much appreciate those...especially as I begin to feel more and more round...and frumpy...it is nice to know that even if I can't see it, there is a glow about me =)

What's in a name?

Alot I think. People with the same name tend to have similar qualities, though there are always exceptions to this...I really have noticed it to be true - it makes you wonder if parents don't actually pick the name of their child, but rather the child has a name and the parents "find"it...fun things to ponder.

Anyway -
There is a "career" fair going on at the school today and a deaf lady came in needing help. No one on this campus knows how to sign, so my boss was trying to find a way to help her, mostly with a pen and paper. Well, a few minutes later she came in to tell me that a young man working the career fair helped the deaf woman. He very patiently wrote out a ton of information for her, directed her to the two different booths that had the type of job she was looking for, and stayed with her at each one to make sure she got everything she needed, smiling the entire time...
his name?
Patrick.

And it may sound odd...but I felt strangely proud...as if it had been MY Patrick. =P

The Belly and the Beach

We just got back from a fabulous weekend at the beach house...did Sunday really have to come so soon?

Before leaving I had been wondering if the belly would be a flotation device or not. Well - it is! It is pretty funny actually. Except when you want to dive down to pet manatees and the belly makes you pop right back to the surface. *sigh*

Patrick owes me a manatee petting!

It also makes it hard to forage for shells, but Drew helped me with that, and with "Fish hunting" =)

Another fun belly in the ocean fact - it feels marvelous floating around weightless...a little odd maybe with the baby tumbling around...and then you get out of the water and you become 6 months pregnant in a matter of seconds. UHG!

Staying in the water forever does not work though, not only will you get properly sunburned...you will get sea sick...seriously!

But my flotation device and I had a fantastic time, got way too much sunshine and sloshing about, ate very naughty food, pouted only slightly when Mojitos were made, and laughed so much my cheeks hurt!

I love the beach! I can't wait to take the baby there next summer! What will Patrick think of all the fishes I wonder?

Hello?

Really I am blogging for me. But sometimes...sometimes I get a little bummed out that more people don't read it. Usually I don't care at all, like I said - it's for me. It'll be fun to look back some time from now and see all this oddness that was my first pregnancy...and what's changed, and what I've learned and how I've grown and all that jazz.

But I have these moments...like right now...when I think..."Gee...doesn't anyone else care?"
I know I can be very silly sometimes...
And if you ARE reading - thanks! =)

I'm just having a hormonal pregnant lady moment - it'll pass.

Perfect

I was a bit silly and scheduled an appointment on my Birthday - so off I went to the birth center, tiara and all...

I was extremely upset when I weighed in...I swear there is some weird fat warp there, because on my at home scale I gained 3lbs...on their scale I gained 8!!! I was prepared for a gentle lecture...especially after such a gain...but it did not come, in fact Michelle (my midwife) said "Well you are supposed to have a gain about now"

All that worry for nothing!

I got to ask a few questions as they trickled back to my swiss cheese brain (really need to write those down!) and the baby has a perfect heartbeat. Perfect.

=)

Each time I go to the birth center I am reminded of how much I love it! Everyone there is so nice, and you can tell they really care. It makes me so happy!

My next appointment is in a little over 2 weeks...I will be at the 28 week mark! Already! WOW!!!

Now off I go to celebrate my Birthday with some yummy ice cream cake! =D

OMG My Boobs are LEAKING!

Need I say more!?

25 weeks - And the belly grows and grows and grows...

Wow time is flying by! 15 weeks to go...well since I want to be ready early, about 13 weeks to go...and since I hope he's just the teeniest bit late, maybe 16 weeks to go.
It really is hard to judge these things.

Today I had a friend say to me "My goodness you are REALLY pregnant!" LOL* That of course made me happy =D

This morning I put on a shirt I had purchased just before the Germany trip. It seemed more snug. I looked up at Drew and said "Drew, I think my shirt shrank!" He was very amused by this and wasted no time in informing me that it was more likely that my belly got bigger. Yah...That's probably true...but it doesn't SEEM bigger to me. Though...the last few days I have been getting some comments about the size of my belly...maybe it IS getting bigger?

Cool!

All about pee

SO pregnant women pee alot. It is a simple fact. WHen I say alot I mean ALOT!

Last night was one of the first nights I slept through without getting up to pee since about my 3rd month. I was totally worried! How strange is your life when you worry that you slept through the night and didn't pee?

Have no fear though, I have peed insanely since then. And gotten lots of kicks to remind me that Patrick is alive and well and enjoying bouncing on my bladder. Bounce bouncey bounce.

Another funny pee story - the other day I was sitting in the bathroom and suddenly could not remember if I peed or not. I seriously sat there for about 3 minutes, utterly lost..."Did I already pee? Do I still need to pee? Pee again? I am so confused"

That is just sad...

but admittedly...damned funny too.

Tofu and Alien Belly

So two cool things from yesterday - I was able to eat tofu for the first time since becoming pregnant. It was good! I am very happy! I missed it SOOOO much!
AND
We can officially see the baby moving around. It looks so very odd, and very different from a kick.

=)

Some things no one tells you...

Remember early on I was mentioning how weird pregnancy is? Well it is still weird. Usually pretty cool - but still weird. There are new things to add to the weirdness...

Everyone talks about the baby kicking. A very fun and exciting thing to be sure! But they don't talk about the baby moving around inside you. That feels really strange...and sometimes makes me feel just a teeny bit motion sick...seriously!

Also, everyone talks about the odd things that can happen to your hair - it can become thick and gorgeous, stringy and greasy, or in my case weird and frizzy and thick. But body hair, like many of the pregnancy oddities, is not mentioned until you are already well into your pregnancy. I imagine this is because people would not do it otherwise. For example, the hair on your legs grows more slowly - cool right? Well I now have a monkey belly!!! Yes - furry fuzzy belly! Drew says he sees no difference - but he is also probably the first guy in the world who didn't think my boobs got bigger at first. In his defense, they started out pretty large...I don't think either of us imagined them getting much larger...they did sadly (happily to him of course)

So...motion sickness, fuzzy belly, what else is there you ask?

That would be the weirdness of other people. Now, this is something you are always warned about from the start. However, the warning are geared towards thin pregnant women. Thin pregnant I am not! So instead of hearing "Oh my God you are so huge!?" Something I would actually love to hear by the way because it would be confirmation that the outside world knows I am pregnant...I hear "You can't even tell you're pregnant!" Really? Cuz my belly is atleast 3x larger than it was, I have pictures to prove it - exactly how fat do you think I am!?

Or how about this one - instead of people bombarding me with "unwelcome" tummy rubs and advice I do not want...I get nothing.

NOTHING! Now the people who know I am pregnant, of course touch the belly, say hello to the belly, and offer up advice, some of which I have found quite awesome actually...BUT people who didn't know look utterly surprised when they do find out *Cue shocked wide-eyed expression* "Oh wow! I had no idea! Congratulations!!!"

Grrrr....

Maybe being a thin pregnant woman is not easy either...but atleast people KNOW you're pregnant and don't just think you are REALLY REALLY freaking fat and round

*sigh*

Maybe I am the exception to the rule but I, personally, would love it if complete strangers touched my belly and asked me constantly 'So when are you due? Boy or girl? Pick a name yet?' and made comments on the hugeness of my baby belly, and offered up bizarre advice. But really, maybe that is just me.

As my very wise mom and hubby keep telling me...it doesn't really matter what the outside world thinks or believes, or says or doesn't say, they tend to be in their own lives anyway...*I* of course know I am pregnant, the people I love who love me back know I am pregnant...and some even have told me how lovely and glowey I am. That's really all that matters =) Now, if I could just get that to sink into my brain...

24 Weeks - Enter the Baby Time Warp

I am now 24 weeks. Which means I technically have 16 weeks until my due date. Being very familiar with Murphy and his ass biting...I am preparing for 14 weeks, and the extra time I will hopefully have will be time to just relax a bit. Really...I want to make things so cozy for Patrick that he may be a few days late. The chances are pretty good since I was 2 weeks late, and my cycles are longer. If I stay hydrated - which I have been doing a MUCH better job of - I should be good to go.

So...that in mind...as I said, I want to have everything ready in 14 weeks.

The problem is we seem to have entered the Baby Time Warp Zone. I first became familiar with the time phenomenon when planning my wedding. Then we called it the Wedding Warp Zone.

It seems to be back again for baby, speeding up time at a neck breaking rate so you look at the clock see that it is almost 8pm and you swear you just started the day. What the hell happened to my day!?

But we must push onward, and work with the time we have, even if it is moving at warp speed.

Cuz Patrick is coming when he's coming...and we want to be as prepared as we possibly can...

and I can't help but shake the feeling that no matter how prepared we get in these next weeks...he's ganna surprise us all anyway.

And we shall call him....

Patrick.
Patrick Pumpkin.

Drew started calling him that pretty much since we found out I was pregnant, and announced to the world that that is his name since we found out it's a boy.
I've been a bit on the fence. But after everyone in Germany was calling him Patrick, it has really grown on me.

So Patrick Pumpkin it is.
That of course is not his official name...
Patrick Josef Dambrell
Josef is my late Opi's middle name.

It has a nice ring doesn't it?
=)

Growing, growing, growing 23 Weeks

Drew and I just looked at pics from 6 weeks on...wow the belly has grown!!!

Pics as Promised - The baby!

Here he is at 19 weeks.
Hard to believe he used to look like a weird little bean, and now he's looking like a real little person...

23 Weeks - The Mango

According to all the websites I have obsessively subscribed to, the baby is now the size of a mango!

Somehow, seemingly over night, we can now SEE the baby kick! It is also much easier for outside people to feel him kick, depending on where he's kicking. The kicks are obviously getting a bit stronger too.

I'll be a little sad when he's not in there anymore.

I am starting to get more uncomfortable at night. It is becoming harder and harder to sleep - the bathroom trips every couple of hours don't help much either.

I'm still a little bummed that I don't really look pregnant enough for people to say "Oh she's pregnant!" instead of "Pregnant or fat, pregnant or fat?"

Oh well.

I have been told by Germany family that I am glowing and look wonderful. Always nice to hear. =D And we all know that family does not necessarily have to be nice about stuff like that LOL*

I keep reading that my belly button will be popping soon...I keep wondering when that will be and what it'll feel or look like...will it just happen overnight too?

Pregnancy is full of little surprises.

Belly at 21ish Weeks

The 19 week pics are on my computer at home, and honestly, are probably being skipped over, because the weeks go by quickly and here I am almost at 22 weeks posting pics I took today. Technically still 21 weeks =P

Wow the belly is growing! It is funny to me that as the baby moves around (can't really feel that yet) the shape of my belly changes. Sometimes it is B sh

aped, and then suddenly it is ROUND! I tried to catch it at a round moment =)

The Belly is in Germany

I still need to post the week 19 belly pics, and the week 21 pics will be coming from lovely Munich ASAP!

I am behind! Moving, school, and travel can do that. I promise I'll catch up.

I would like to add that long plane rides while pregnant suck something awful!!!

But the delicious food and lovely nap I had once we reached our destination was well worth it! I am very excited to tell the pumpkin all about Germany =)

We will be museuming, walking in the forest, eating fabulous food (which he has already made clear he approves of with his excited kickles everytime I eat yummy things)

This trip is just going to be wonderful and amazing and Drew and I are SO excited (and I think the pumpkin might be excited too!)

21 Weeks

I am now more than halfway there...EEEK!

It is a bit scary to think of it like that...so I'll just say...21 weeks.

I'm feeling pretty good. I have noticed a bunch of odd things. Now, you may or may not believe in what I am about to share with you, but that doesn't matter to me, I think I may be on to something...

So, first, I think my little pumpkin is a genius. He can already do math in the womb, and he is musical. See, I have been randomly spouting out math stuff. Anyone who knows me knows I do not normally do that. I have also been able to solve riddles in record time, another thing not quite like me. And the music? When Drew drums the baby comes to the sound, he is also picky about the music he likes. Some songs I liked before the pregnancy I now can't tolerate, and some songs I really didn't like seem to calm me. It's very odd.

So here's the strange theory...if a being comes equipt with a soul and a personality, and two beings essentially share the same body for a length of time, could they leak over to eachother a bit? I mean all the books say that my emotions can be "transfered" to the baby, so why not the other way around?

Anyway...

Just a thought.

Kickles!

What is a kickle you ask?
Well, A kickle is the weird tickley feeling I am getting in my belly every time the baby gives me a good kick to say hello.

I started feeling more noticable flutters this weekend and yesterday. Early this morning it was a bit more than a flutter...then...
The first big one happened today and made me practically jump out of my seat!

Very cool!
I hear it tickles less and hurts a bit more the later in the pregnancy you get, so I will enjoy the kickles =)

Good-bye B-shaped Belly!

I am now 20 weeks! Wow!

I'm still not really feeling the baby which makes me a little sad. Shouldn't I be feeling him by now?

I know every woman and every pregnancy is different...I just really thought I'd feel him now.

I am a bit behind in my posting. I do have week 19 belly pics, I just need to get my other computer online so I can post them.

Things have been going well. Still have those crazy food aversions, but i feel good 90% of the time and I am enjoying being pregnant

And, exciting news for the day - my belly is now round! Goodbye weird B-shaped belly - hello real pregnant belly! YEY!

And it's....

A BOY!

It took almost 45 minutes to be able to determine a definite sex too. The baby was sleeping (using the placenta as a pillow which should have tipped us off right there) and facing my back. He moved a teeny bit here and there (after some proding) and at one point the tech said "Oh! I think we have a girl here! But let's be sure" I told myself not to get too excited...but how could I not? After alot of jiggling, position changing, and the tech scolding the baby, he woke up, turned towards us, gave a HUGE yawn and started to eat. Well, obviously after eating one must pee...and there it was, plain as day...boy parts.

Shock! I really thought it was a girl. I really wanted a girl. And I admit it...I faked my ultrasound. Drew was so excited, and the people at the office were so excited. I plastered a big smile on my face and acted excited too.
But my hubby was not buying it, and as soon as we got in the card he made me fess up. He knew I'd be a bit bummed if I didn't get what I wished for...neither one of us was expecting the entire afternoon of crying that followed.

I felt awful for feeling dissapointed. And I felt awful for ruining his excitment (he really wanted a boy, though I truly think he would have been thrilled either way). I felt scared and depressed. All I have dreamed of my whole life is having 1 little girl. It is only recently that I realized I might actually want more than one child, and that I'd want a boy too...but the girl was the first dream and stuck with me...

But it really doesn't matter what I wanted - I'm getting a boy. And after the initial upset I found myself wishing for a boy all big and strong like his daddy. Then I realized I may have been more upset and freaked out about the realness of having a child than about the gender...
And now I am starting to feel excited too...really!
I know nothing about babies, and even less about boys. But I know I am pregnant in the first place because I met and married an awesome man. I get to raise an adorable little boy to grow up and be an awesome man like his daddy. Wow! Amazing!

It's funny because I have been asking Drew silly questions like "Do boys like to color?" and "Do they like stuffed animals?" =P Drew happens to like these things, so I have no idea why I am asking.

I have a few friends who are absolutely thrilled that I am having a boy.
I have a family memeber who is not thrilled, sadly...

And then there's me...
Am I thrilled?
I just might be... =)

Sandi Who?

Sometimes I worry that I will lose myself. Having lost myself before I know how subtle and trecherous that path can be. It is tiny little things here and there and next thing you know you turn around and you are not Sandi (or whatever your name might be) you are "so and so's mommy" You no pictures of yourself anywhere, only pictures of your child/children. Your significant other doesn't even call you by your own name anymore, or those cute pet names...you are just "mommy" or "hun". Oh how I hate being called "hun"

But these are small things...the worst part about losing yourself is that your dreams no longer seem as important, your goals for yourself dont even exist to you anymore. You start to make friends with other mommies who all dress the same and all talk about their children and their husbands...they do not discuss thier hopes and dreams, how to juggle a child and a career or education, how to be a mommy and still be YOU...

it scares me.

I don't want to wake up one day and say "Sandi Who?"

Following in the spirit of the last post....

holy goodness....I'm gonna be a daddy.

I barely had enough energy for the move, and I didn't have to move the big stuff either. What in God's name am I going to do when I have a child who needs all the energy I have 29 hrs a day? *scared* Time for a change.


Sillily enough, I am hoping for a boy, but I only want a happy and healthy baby. Also, I hope our child isn't being sassy and not showing us what he's got....or not :)


I love the time Sandi and I spend together, and I know it's only going to get better with the inclusion of a little bundle of happiness :D

Week 17, Moving, Week 18 AHK!

I fell behind in my blogging. My excuse is a huge long exaughsting weekend of moving two households into one. My hubby and the furry herd and I moved into a big house with my mom and her furry herd. The move went well, but man I am still beat!

So far the furries are mingling...fairly well. There are certainly a few kinks to work out there. But the humans are getting along just fine =)

So week 17 should have been belly photos, I don't want to throw the schedule off though, so I will post photos again week 19 - who knows, by then there might be some change to see!

I'm feeling pretty good these days - aside from odd little aches here and there and being easily worn out, and lightheaded sometimes. Still have the food issues sadly. Oh mushrooms how I miss thee!

I had a check up last week. All is well...AND...I got a script for my BIG ultrasound! Tuesday June 2nd we get to find out if it is a boy or a girl! YEY!!! SOOOO EXCITED!!!

I also got a gentle lecture at my check up. I've already put on almost all the weight I am reccomended to put on for the entire pregnancy! Woops!

Some changes definitely need to be made - but honestly, I already new that.

So now, I am 18 weeks along. I feel fat. But for the most part I am in good spirits =D

I sometimes get freaked out still that I am so not ready to have a baby and be a mom. I just started getting used to being ME...I'm not sure I'm ready to add on another role...But it doesn't really matter if I am ready or not, because that baby will be arriving into our lives this October (or November) and I just have to be as ready as I can be.

A bit scary.

I think I am still hoping for a little girl. Though there are cute things about little boys too. I'll really just be excited to KNOW. Then we can find a name, and shop for cute gender specific things, and decorate the nursery! 

Oh oh oh! I have also started feeling little flutterings and the very occassional tiny, soft kick! Cool huh!? 

Wow...So...seriously...I am having a baby....

Just Call Me Grumpy

I've been really cranky the last week or so...Not like constant grumpiness mind you - just easily aggitated and snippy on occassion.
I've also been a bit down.

I'm stressed and it's all gloomy out, so I am sure that doesn't help my mood.

The worst part of it is, it takes too much energy to be chipper, I want stay grumpy. How silly is that?

I don't feel like blogging anymore right now.
Blah.

I think I felt the baby kick!

Sometimes....

Sometimes I think that I can't get any luckier....
Sometimes I think that I've got the best thing in the world going for me...
Sometimes I feel things going the best...
Sometimes I feel your warm snuggly body...

Then I see your eyes and the love contained therein and I just forget all those things...
Because your eyes remind me all we've been through...
Sometimes I remember our past, the hurt and the struggle...
But then I see you...

(I'm thinking of writing a song, no theifing!)



I can't believe our life together, my Sandi. Sometimes you make me crazy, sometimes I do the same but I know that we're just crazy together because we're crazy in love with each other.

Be mine forever, because stalking forever is nowhere near as fun *grin*


I can't wait to show our baby (boy) how much we love each other and how much we are going to love him!


*sigh* (happiness is hard to find, unless I'm with you)

Ah Sweet Love

Happy Anniversary my Drew - I love you more than glitter!

16 Weeks!

Now, according to all those places and people who did not consider me in my 2nd trimester at 14 weeks...I am officially and FINALLY in my 2nd trimester! I am 4 months pregnant! WOW! Only 5 to go!...OMG that is a little scary!

I saw this funny little comic on one of the pregnancy site I frequent:

I admit - it took me a minute to get it =P

Not much has changed the last few weeks. Still feeling mostly better with the occasional yucky moments, still have the same food issues.

I have a ton of people telling me they think I am having a boy - no offense to you boy sayers, but I hope you're all wrong ;)

Also...I am waiting for the next big pregnancy milestone - even bigger than THE Ultrasound - feeling the baby move consistantly...

Drew and I are both so excited about that one!

I Heart My Birth Center

Today I had my first official appointment at my new birth center. It was much more informative and personal than the other place. Also, not only did I get to hear my squirmy little baby's heartbeat, but Kaleen the nurse midwife, told me when the baby gave a little kick (I think I may have felt it too!) and I got to hear what the cord sounds like. Really cool!

They are so much more holistic and natural in their approach and I just really love it. I am so so so so so happy I didn't settle for something I was iffy about at best and checked out the place I should have gone to in the beginning - silly me thinking that a closer to home location was better than my gut feeling.

I go back in 2 week and after that I get to set up THE ultrasound! That's right...about 3 weeks and we get to know if it's a little girl or a little boy!!! Sooner than I expected too! I am so thrilled!

Crocodiles, baby feet, and cartoon seals oh my!

Pregnancy dreams are strange.
I've had a few weird ones, some funny ones, and one very upsetting one. I've also recently had a weird but super cool one.

I don't think I'll get into details here, simply because I don't want to weird anyone out with my bizarre dreams, but let's just say that the weirdness abounds where pregnancy is concerned, and that is very true of the dream world as well.

I have read that pregnant women can have some odd dreams - I had no idea...

I should probably write them down. I love any excuse for a new notebook! =D

The Belly - Week 15

Not much change from two weeks ago.

Though, I have had two people touch my belly and a few others comment that I look pregnant. This was all people who already know I am pregnant...but I wonder if it is starting to look like a baby belly now?

It just looks the same to me. Bummer.

15 Weeks - I heart the apple

I am now 15 weeks pregnant. Wow! In just a few more weeks I'll be able to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl! I can't wait...no seriously...I can not wait! It's making me crazy!

I have read that the baby is now the size of an apple. How cool!

I was told in the ladies restroom today that I am glowing. How does frumpy outfit and frizzy hair = glow? I graciously said "Are we looking at the same person?" my friend laughed and said "Yup, you are definitely pregnant!" So glad I amuse LOL*

Today at school they had a little celebration for student mothers. I was told I qualify to attend...so...I was celebrated!!!

It was pretty cool...but SO weird when people wished me a "Happy Mother's Day".

I had this big gift bag with goodies in it and a huge "Mother's Day" balloon tied to it, so when I left work today a bunch of the people I work with were saying "Have a great weekend! Happy Mother's Day" I smiled and said thank you of course...but it really felt so so so weird.