Thursday, June 4, 2009

And it's....

A BOY!

It took almost 45 minutes to be able to determine a definite sex too. The baby was sleeping (using the placenta as a pillow which should have tipped us off right there) and facing my back. He moved a teeny bit here and there (after some proding) and at one point the tech said "Oh! I think we have a girl here! But let's be sure" I told myself not to get too excited...but how could I not? After alot of jiggling, position changing, and the tech scolding the baby, he woke up, turned towards us, gave a HUGE yawn and started to eat. Well, obviously after eating one must pee...and there it was, plain as day...boy parts.

Shock! I really thought it was a girl. I really wanted a girl. And I admit it...I faked my ultrasound. Drew was so excited, and the people at the office were so excited. I plastered a big smile on my face and acted excited too.
But my hubby was not buying it, and as soon as we got in the card he made me fess up. He knew I'd be a bit bummed if I didn't get what I wished for...neither one of us was expecting the entire afternoon of crying that followed.

I felt awful for feeling dissapointed. And I felt awful for ruining his excitment (he really wanted a boy, though I truly think he would have been thrilled either way). I felt scared and depressed. All I have dreamed of my whole life is having 1 little girl. It is only recently that I realized I might actually want more than one child, and that I'd want a boy too...but the girl was the first dream and stuck with me...

But it really doesn't matter what I wanted - I'm getting a boy. And after the initial upset I found myself wishing for a boy all big and strong like his daddy. Then I realized I may have been more upset and freaked out about the realness of having a child than about the gender...
And now I am starting to feel excited too...really!
I know nothing about babies, and even less about boys. But I know I am pregnant in the first place because I met and married an awesome man. I get to raise an adorable little boy to grow up and be an awesome man like his daddy. Wow! Amazing!

It's funny because I have been asking Drew silly questions like "Do boys like to color?" and "Do they like stuffed animals?" =P Drew happens to like these things, so I have no idea why I am asking.

I have a few friends who are absolutely thrilled that I am having a boy.
I have a family memeber who is not thrilled, sadly...

And then there's me...
Am I thrilled?
I just might be... =)

1 comments:

Crystal said...

That was a really beautiful post and I am proud of you for acknowledging all of the feelings that came too you. It's going to be wonderful and magical and brilliant! Just remember, boys like most things that girls do, and really it's society that tells them what they 'should' or 'shouldn't' like. Roger used to play barbies with his neighbor, and loves stuffed animals. :)