34 Weeks - Freakouts and Meditations

That means I have 6 weeks until my due date...actually 5 weeks and 4 days...which means just over 2 weeks before I am term...

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I do find it a little funny (not funny haha, but funny hmmm) that when I was around 6 weeks pregnant I got an upper respiratory infection, and here I am with about 6 weeks to go...another one. They are utterly miserable by the way! Being sick sucks. Being sick when you're pregnant is the ultimate Hell. And while I am all for natural remedies and hippie tree hugger goodness...thank GOD for antibiotics...seriously.

But illness aside, I am doing good for the most part. I still think my biggest complaint is the heartburn. Another tough thing is the groin/pelvic pain. Sometimes I can't even walk it hurts so bad. This is, apparently, quite normal. uhg! I am doing stretches, and they seem to be helping, but man what a horrid place to be hurting every time you move "wrong" or try to take a step.

The baby also has a new game called "Xylophone Ribcage" sounds cute yes? I'm sure it is cute when it isn't YOUR ribcage that is being xylophoned. It seriously hurts! Oddly, I can just tell how much fun he has doing it, so despite the pain it does make me laugh a little. I just hope he doesn't start playing that game as much as he plays "Smoosh the Bladder"...

So am I at the point yet where I just want him born?

Yes and no...

I had a dream about him about a week ago that made me so very much want to hold him and have him here...

But I still so do not feel ready for this...what if I drop him? or squish his soft head? Or bonk it? Or just suck at this mom thing? What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't change my opinion about children? What if I can't handle the late nights, the lack of sleep, the poop and vomit...everything...

So yes...I want him here...but I tell you what, I could still wait a few months. I just don't have a few months...I have a few weeks...OMG!!!!

And speaking of lack of sleep...if one more person tells me to "get sleep now" I might scream...tell me how on earth I am supposed to get sleep now when I am up every 45 minutes to and hour to pee. Or am woken up that often because of serious heartburn? Get sleep now...right. I'd like to. I can't. But thanks for reminding me that it'll be a REALLY long time before I get to sleep through the night again.

I am kinda looking forward to not having the heartburn anymore though...that will be nice...

On a very exciting up note - Drew and I practiced some meditation/visualization techniques and it went really well. See part of the whole natural birth deal it to be able to stay as calm and relaxed as possible. I've been nervous about this because I suck at meditating and suck even more at visualizing. But Drew found a way to make it work for me! We are both so excited about this and will be practicing daily. YEY!