Body Woes

I really didn't think I would be bothered by the body changes. Having been quite overweight I figured "been there done that". But here I am, freaking out just a teeny bit over my weight. I worked very hard to lose weight. I lost around 50lbs and I am terrified of gaining it back!

I'm still not a thin person by any means, but I was starting to look and feel pretty good...and now my waist is disappearing, the fat belly is reappearing. Sometimes I look in the mirror and my face looks the same, sometimes it looks as if I am putting weight on. But the scale swears to me that I have only gained that 1lb I am supposed to gain (it fluctuates of course but averages out to 1lb)

I feel HUGE and gross. I need to get over it, I know this. But how? I really don't want to be gross and fat. I want to be a beautiful pregnant goddess...not a big slob where people say "Is she pregnant or just getting fat again?"

It doesn't help that I really am not eating as healthy as I would like - simply because I can't. More on this in another post...

A friend of mine asked me what it is like to be pregnant. So far it is weird. I have these moments where I think "Oh my GOD I am really pregnant, there is this little person growing in me!" and moments where I feel so tired and yucky I don't think much about anything. I think as I get further in, it'll become a little less weird and a little more exciting - especially if I can get past the body issue. I do occasionally get the sense that my body really is not my own right now - and that in itself is a very odd feeling.