Nightmares and Miracles

I love reading stories about miracle babies/children. Like the one about the little boy who received the special hearing aid and heard his mothers voice for the first time. Those things bring tears to my eyes and just warm my heart. I could watch videos and read stories like that all day long...

But there is a dark side to the miracle stories...and that is the accident stories. I try to avoid the ones with bad outcomes, but even the ones with good outcomes, like one with a little boy who survived an internal decapitation (I know, doesn't it just make you cringe inside?) Just terrify me. Because the thing about miracles is that...they are not common things. If they were, they would not be called miracles now would they?
And it makes me so afraid to get in a car with my son. And it definitely makes me terrified of driving...even more than I was before.

I used to have only one ultimate fear...dying. Now I have two. I bet you can guess what my second fear is.

SO people post these stories about babies in accidents...and my heart plummets and my skin goes cold. And I am afraid.

And I see these idiots out on the road, driving like morons just because they want to get some where 5 seconds faster, texting, and being otherwise distracted...and I am afraid. And it also makes me angry. "Accidents" almost are not even accidents anymore. They are "Avoidables" because, had everyone been doing what they should (i.e. paying attention to the road and being sober) most accidents wouldn't happen. Doesn't anyone care about their own safety and the safety of others? Or at the very least, the safety of children!? It really is terrifying. And the stories, even with good outcomes, don't make it better.

I posted a while ago about mothers being fearless. I never thought you could be both fearless and utterly afraid. But you can.

I do believe in miracles. And I love to read about them. But the accident ones just chill me to the core. They frighten me completely.
Because anything bad happening to my own little miracle...is my worst nightmare.

Missing my plumpkin.

My baby boy has been having a wonderful time with his daddy and GrandparentsD! And I have watched way too many movies in the theater. I had a whole lot of fun too.

But oh how I miss him. My heart aches. I need to squish him and see his little face.

I cannot wait to have him come home to me tomorrow!

I love that he can go off and play and be so happy without me. And it is so nice to get a little break from all the worry (ok, most of the worry) and diapers and baby chasing and such...

But I just miss him so very much.

Patrick's New Room

Patrick slept in his own room for the first time last night. He only woke up once around 3:30am and I think it was because his teeth started bothering him (or maybe he just missed me?). Still, once in the night is a huge improvement over 3 or 4 times in the night! I feel so very well rested!

I am very excited about finally having his room set up! There are still a few things to do in there, but it is already a lovely little room, and he loves being in there. We played in there for over 2 hours this morning.

I did miss him though. My room looks very large and empty right now. Time to rearrange and decorate!

Who takes care of mommy?

Well, I have done it again. I have neglected myself so thoroughly that the anemia has returned with a vengeance, on top of a never ending cold...cold number two in 2 months.

I have done a fantastic job of keeping Patrick happy and healthy. I fail at doing the same for myself. The awful thing is that in not taking proper care of myself, I have a difficult time taking awesome care of Patrick. Hard to chase a baby around and laugh and play all day long when you are on the verge of falling over.

I really need to get with the program because no one is going to take care of me, but me. I deserve it. And really, so does Patrick!

Hopefully, I have learned my lesson this time!

Have Baby, Will Travel

I think Patrick has handled all the traveling way better than I have! That baby is just amazing (yes, I am sure I've mentioned something like that before)

He just enjoys almost every experience. And he stays pretty chill, even when he's not exactly having the time of his life. This last road trip to Kentucky was no exception. He was wonderful, calm, and happy 90% of the time. He got a teeny bit cranky once we were there, and had one day where he refused to take a nap. Well, can't really blame the poor little guy - he is cutting 4 teeth at once.

We had a wonderful time visiting with family, and he of course enjoyed the new people to smile at. His GiGi taught him to high-five too.

I feel as if we have been traveling almost nonstop since Germany. I am exhausted! But at least I know that if I were to take another trip somewhere soon, Patrick would be ready and willing to tag along. And we would, of course, have a blast!
I just can't believe how easy and fun it is to travel with him!

Patrick's Party!

This past Sunday was Patrick's birthday party. It was so much fun! Just the right number of people came, and Patrick had a wonderful time! It almost seemed as if he new the party was just for him. He enjoyed his cupcake too!

It was so fun having Zaky P. and Aethan help us unwrap the gifts, and then help put some of the toys together.

The party went even better than I could have imagined. I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends and family - and really, such an amazing little boy.

I just still can't believe he's 1...

Patrick is 1 Year Old Today!!!

Today we went to the Build-A-Bear Workshop and Patrick chose an owl to stuff and take home. The owl's name is "Owl". He has a little blue scarf that is apparently also named "Owl". What are the odds?

I cannot believe how fast it all went by. One day I am in labor, walking around a lake with Drew helping me, feeling a bit afraid and telling him that if this gets any worse I just don't know if I can do it...and then I am holding this wiggly little thing in my arms, and I don't even care that he's kinda gross and slimy, I think he's amazing.
And then he's rolling, crawling, talking, almost walking...eating real food...
saying his first words...

So much has happened in a year. So much has changed. And now my teeny little baby is growing into a funny little toddler complete with a mind of his own...it is crazy!

I love this. I love all of it. While it does make me sad that as he grows, he leaves another little phase of babyhood behind, watching him grow and change is just incredible.

I love motherhood. The tears, the sweat, the messes, the long nights, the temper tantrums, the laughter, the cuteness, the sweet moments...all of it (ok, I could do without the poo)
It is just an amazing experience. And I can't believe it has been a year already...but there is no time to be sad about how fast it went, there are many years, milestones, and moments coming...how exciting!

Happy Birthday Patrick Josef Dambrell! You are my Sunshine!